It's okay ~ a Nate Maloley Fanfic

It's Okay

"Wake up. Baby, wake up. Y/n!"

My eyes shoot open at the sound of Nate's voice. Waking up from the same nightmare I've had every night.

"Yeah?" I say lazily.

"You had a nightmare again." Nate says.

"I know." I reply. I try to sound not-startled, but I'm freaked, as the night mare ended only a couple seconds ago.

"Are you okay?" He asked. No. I'm not. I haven't slept in a week. I have huge begs under my eyes and I'm ALWAYS tired

"Ye-"

"No, no, you're not." Nate cuts me off. I look down. He was right.
"Baby, you... Please don't hide. Please." He begged me. I kept quiet. He grabbed my had, I looked at our now-intertwined fingers. "Please." He said again. I kept quiet. I hate talking about my issues. I don't want to sound like I'm looking for attention, based on the way Nate is acting, I think he knows that.
"Talk to me." He asks. I pretend that it's no big deal to me.

"It's just a nightmare." I shrug.

"If it was just a nightmare, it wouldn't taken you so long to answer he said, stroking his thumb on my hand.

"I don't- I don't know" I stutter. I never talked about me feelings hardly ever. I don't know how.

"It's alrigh baby girl-" he uses his free hand to push himself into a sitting position, grabbing the back of my neck and gently pulling me closer to kiss my forehead. "Say whatever's on your mind." He finished. Maybe it's not a good idea to talk about it. Maybe I should just say that he doesn't have to worry, but that'll just make him angry. I sigh. He told me to talk to him when I'm ready but that was so long ago I don't even remember how long, and I don't want him to wait anymore than ABSOLUTELY necessary for this. It's not that bad. I'll tell him.

"I just... I guess that I never got over my depression. And.." I cut myself off and look away.

"Hey honey, no look at me-" he said putting his hand on my jaw and turned my face to him. "-tell me everything. I want you to pour your heart to me. Please. I know you're scared but, you don't need to be"

"I just..." I don't know how to say this without just saying it. But.. I don't want to cry. He's never seen that before. Ugh... I have to.

"I'm sad.... I'm sad, Like all the time, and I'm tired. I can never get any sleep, but not just that. I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of being tired... I'm just tired. I d-" I'm cut off by a lump. In my throat. Fuck go away. I swallow. "-I don't know how to.. Fix myself. And honestly-" there's that lump again. So I have to talk shakily, carefully. "I don't believe that I deserve.. To be saved." Nate just stares at me with widened eyes... Heart broken eyes.

"Babe.." Be says breathily. I just look away yet again. "No babe. Shit.  Baby" he pulls me in for a hug. This is where I fall apart. And sob into his shoulder. It's happening. My eyes blurry with tears and my face wet with them.

"I'm so glad you told me because I wouldn't have noticed. You always act to happy and witty." He says rubbing my back. Which was very comforting. It makes me feel safe.

"Because I didn't want you to know." I cried.

"Baby you didn't let me finish. I knew. You're not good at hiding your arm" Nate said. There goes my heart. The rest of it, crumbled. Gone.

"What!?" I squeal.

"Hey baby, it's okay-" he said trying to calm me down, ending the hug and rubbed my shoulders. He noticed my tears and takes his thumbs to whipe them off for me. Then he uses his hands on the side of my face to pull my in for a sweet kiss. "You don't have to talk about that, but you need to consult me in that the next time u get the need for it." He says sweetly. I nod. He's surprisingly good at calming me down so quickly and piecing my heart. Slowly. Very, very slowly.

"It's 3:00am baby, you should go to bed." Nate says after a moment.

"No, I won't be able to sleep." I reply knowing that because of the outcome of what happens every time I have a nightmare

"Then I'll stay up with you." Nate says. It makes me smile. He cared so much. Too much. I love it.

Nate turned around, and rolled out of the bed, revealing his amazing body with his black boxer-briefs. he shook his hand through his messy hair.

"Wait here," he turned around and said. He walked out of the room. I heard him walk down the stairs and the creaks of floor boards downstairs. After about 30 minuets, the creeks got louder as I hear them moving towards the stairs, and the pats of his feet running up them. He bust through the door with, in his right hand, a tray.

The tray was filled with breakfast. Four over-easy eggs, cooked perfectly, some bacon, a couple slices of toast, two closed bottles of orange juice and Starbucks canned drinks.

In his left arm was a bowl that was filled with little bags of chips and chocolate bars. Some candies, then in his left hand was a bag of sunflower seeds and a bowl to spit them in.

In his mouth was a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. He kicked the door closed with his leg behind him. Then made his way to the bed. I smiled watching him the whole time. He placed everything down on the bed in front of me and sat beside me.

"Will you join me for Netflix and breakfast?" He asked. His arms holding him up on the bed. I kiss him. Our noses were touching.
"Yes" I smile. He smiles back. He gives me a quick kiss on the jaw then reaches for the plates of breakfast foods and orange juice. He takes the silverware out of the bottom of the bowl. He hands me half of the items and keeps half for himself. He reached over me to get the remote for the tv, and the remote for the dimmed lights. We stay up for a long while watching (you're fave show) and having a simple and romantic date.