Please, please, please, a thousand pleases, and yet one more please
DO NOT READ THIS BOOK
If you have already bought it, destroy it. If you are browsing through it in your local library, take it outside, tear it up, stamp on it, tear it again just to be sure and then bury the pieces DEEP underground. TO BE TOTALLY SAFE.
This AWFUL book, and it is awful, especially the spelling, will have a very bad influence on young minds. It will give lots and lots of ideas about how to be even naughtier than they already are, and some of them are already EXTREMELY naughty. It is an outrage and I for one will be calling for this book to be banned. Mr. Wallybottom (or what ever his stupid made up name is) should be ashamed of himself. Why can't the over sized BUFFOON who looks like a cupboard in a suit write a nice book about nice children who do nice things? Why not write a story about a little girl who is kind to a kitten? Or a tale about a nice boy who helps an injured butterfly cross a busy road? Or a story about 2 children who go to a meadow and pick wild flowers for there mummy who is very ill with a slight headache?
It could be called
THE WORLD'S NICEST,KINDEST,BESTEST,MOST LOVELIEST CHILDREN IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
But no.
Instead we get a BUCKETLOAD of stories about children with bottoms that don't stop blowing off, children who teach there nits to do a terrible thing, and children who don't stop picking there nose until they create the worlds largest booger.
These are children who I would NEVER allow in my newsagents shop, which I am extremely proud to say was recently voted best newsagent in the parade.
I would never let the frankly APPALLING children feature in this book take advantage of the very special offers in my shop, such as my 103 sherbert fountains for the price of 102, or buy your own bodyweight in mints, get one mint free.
What's worst of all is that I am hardly in this book. It's an insult! I am by far the most cleverest and handsomest character that came out of Mr Wallywilly's dark and troubled mind! Yet I was only asked to contribute an introduction, and was under strict instructions and that said introduction be no longer than 2 pages. 2 pages!
How dare Mr. Willywillybumbum? Surely I, the GREAT RAJ OF RAJS NEWSAGENTS.
