A Life Forever Changed
Ashlyn's P.O.V.
It's been 2 years and nine months since Collin died. My life will never be the same again without my best friend. My cousin had died at the early age of only 28. Not even thirty years old yet. I will never forget those late months of 2010 and watching him as he kept getting sick, over and over again. We were all very concerned for his health and soon took him to a specialist. The news we got was some I never wanted to hear.
I was in 5th grade at the time and my life was already confusing enough. My mom and her boyfriend, as of today stepdad, were getting serious and started acting like a married couple. my dad and step mom were having money trouble. We were struggling, bad. But I will never forget those Sunday afternoons when I could hang out with Collin and talk to him about everything. He was my older brother I never had. He had been living with us for 4 summers now, and my mom got him his first job down here in Georgia. He was one of the most pleasing people to around, and always willing to talk about God no matter where he was. He was the ideal image of perfectness. Or at least in my mind.
When I came home from school on January 3, 2011 the news I got made me curl up and cry. Collin had stage three cancer and there was a good chance he wasn't going to make it. My heart ached at the thought of losing my best friend.
The next 22 days were spent in constant worry about my cousin. He had been declining and was moved to the ICU after 2 weeks. I wasn't able to go back and say hi to him or even hold his hand. He was put into a coma to try to help him heal, and everyone always told me and my sister," it's better for you to remember him when he was happy. You don't want to see him like this." But deep down inside I wanted to hold Collin's hand and at least know that he had a pulse. But I never could. On the 23 day of being in the hospital Collin was supposed to have major surgery. I remember constantly checking the clock, wondering how the surgery went.
I was in the lunchroom sitting with all my friends, when one of the receptionists came and got me from my seat. I was utterly confused where I was going and why I was going anywhere. When I came to the office I was quite concerned. I thought I had done something wrong and need to see the principle. My blood went cold as I walked into the conformance room and saw my mom, eyes big puffy and red. My dad was the same image but still had tears flowing down his face. My step mom and my mom’s boyfriend both had the same look on each other’s faces. The look of heavy hearts for the ones the cared for in pain, when all they wanted to do was help those broken hearts. My sister was in the room just as confused as I was. When I saw the school consular sitting in that chair just waiting to comfort me, my blood grew colder than it already was.
"He's in surgery right," I said my voice shaky and quite. I was too afraid to even want to know what was truly going on. The simple nod from my mom and the look of sadness filled in everyone's eyes told me my best friend was gone. And this time he was gone forever. I remember perfectly looking at everyone and notice a look of sympathy coming from every pair of eyes in that room. I froze, knowing that if I moved I would break down and want to hide far away. I took one look in the mirror and fell to the ground. I let out a blood curdling scream and started to shake. This wasn't happening. Not to me. Not right now. Things were already bad enough. This isn't happening. Why God! Why Collin he always perfect, always wanted to serve you. But no, you just had to take him. I remember all these thoughts flowing from my mind as I realized it was done. There was nothing I could do to make my cousin come back and I would never ever be able to hold his hand again and know he was still alive.
My heart ached for days on end dreading his funeral, knowing he would be in a wooden box never to be heard again. Never to be able to speak the gospel, or to share stories about me and Carly as kids. Going to the funeral was hard. Seeing his wife, Marie trying to be strong, but knowing she was torn twisted and tattered on the inside. All I could do now was pray for healing over everyone and for our hearts not to hurt so badly.
The next couple of months were an extreme struggle. I missed Collin dearly but I knew he was in heaven, with Jesus Christ our Lord and savior. I would constantly be over at Collin and Marie's house. And whether or not people believed she was now half gone, or that when Collin died a part of her did to, I believed that in my heart she was strong enough to get through it.
No one is ever going to be the same when they lose some one they love. It was a different loss for me then it was for her. Collin and I loved each other because technically we had to. We were blood relatives. But it was more than that. He had been a baby sitter on multiple occasions and had always been a friend when I needed him to be. We had more than just a family tolerance for each other. He had watched me grow up and had even helped sculpt who I was at the time.
The love that Collin openly showed for his wife was one that only comes around every now in then. Sure there are plenty of other married couples, but their's was different compared to others. No couples love will ever be the same as other couples. But the love shared between the two was one that fascinated me. I was in 1st grade when they got married and as a kid always hearing about happily ever after I thought that was exactly what was gonna happen between the two of them. They both looked so happy. The commitment the two had for one another was one that would never be broken. When Collin had gotten sick Marie never left his side. And when she did it was only because she was forced to.
Marie and I still talk and we still get to hang out. When Collin died me and her had grown closer. We both felt pain and we tried to understand what the other pain felt like. I will never forget looking up to her and thinking she is absolutely amazing. I love talking with Marie and I love knowing she is moving on. As I grow older and as she helps me through life I know Collin is smiling down on us.
Collin was always happy and was always willing to do whatever it took to make others happy. He was a true inspiration and looking back on his life all I can hope is to become somebody who looks like Collin. And if I continue to dream on and to believe I can become as wonderful and as loving as Collin was, then I know he would smile down on me.
My life will never be the same after losing Collin. No friendship I will ever have will relate to Collin and I’s but I do know that God put new friend, a best friend, right beside me.
Her name is Marie and I love her dearly.
