lost || shawn mendes

one

I park in the grassy area behind the house I know all too well. I get out of my jeep and go to the garage, where I see the door half opened and a light illuminating the area. As I crouch under the door I see her. I smile at the sight of someone who cares about me, and I care about too.

"So how you doin'?" Aroura asks me as I come in, she lights her cigarette and I wave her to come out to the alley. She offers me one, I take it smiling slightly at her, looking in her ice blue eyes in the moon lit alley.

Aroura has been one of my only friends for a long time, for almost four years. I met her in freshman year when no one else would talk to me. She's three years older than me, but it doesn't make a big difference really. Only she can smoke legally and drink when I can't. It doesn't stop me though. Just makes me be sneaky, and I get away with a lot for a seventeen year old.

"Eh I'm okay I guess, how bout you?" I shove the cigarette in my mouth, inhaling the toxic but relaxing substance, blowing it out in the other direction of the wind.

She pulls her blonde hair back in a messy bun, tying her red and black bandana around her head again.

"I'm great, Jack and I are moving into our own apartment now so we should be settled by the end of the week hopefully." She inhales the smoke after her talk.

"nice, I can't wait until my birthday, I just want to leave that place I call a home." I sigh in defeat and shove the cigarette in again, being taken from reality as the chemicals numb me.

I felt like Aroura was different from the start, in an erie way at first, but it didn't really phase me. It just intrigued me. We talked for a few weeks and got very close, eventually she told me that she was in a gang, called "Hell's Angels" and if I wanted to join, they were willing to take me in. My life at home isn't the best, my father who loved me greatly and I loved him more than anything, passed away when I was thirteen. It's been hard, my mother and I never quite got along very well. But when my father passed, all hell broke loose. She became a drug addict and quit her job, filed bankruptcy and now she and I have welfare. But Aroura has been here every step of the way, and I didn't regret joining her in her group.

*** 
I parked my white beat up jeep in front of the house I won't be living in much longer. Starring at the brown brick house I decide to go in. I close the door, lock my car, and breathe deeply as I walk to the front door. I despise coming home, especially this late at two in the morning, when I know she won't sleep because she claims she "worries" about me when we both know she's not. She just wants to complain and makes sure I hear it. 

"Where's my shit at?" The lazy bitch asks as I barely make it past the threshold of the front door.

"I don't know what you're talking about, let alone where it is." I answer sassily closing the front door behind me.

I never liked my mother, she's always been an ass to me and never was the mother any child should've had. I'm glad I have no siblings because then I wouldn't forgive myself for letting them go through what I have. I don't wish this upon my worst enemy. 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" She looks at me with her dull brown eyes, her face pale and overall disgusting.

"I don't fucking know what you're talkin about. Now move out of my way, I'd like to go to my room." I spoke as close to her face before it made me gag. I quickly walk down the hallway into my small room and shut the door. I kick off my shoes, and change out of my clothes into my black spandex and red Chicago Bulls Basketball tank top for bed. 

"You fucking taking money from my purse again ain't you? Goin' through my shit! You're probably in some damn gang. No wonder there's so many shootings, you kill people, you're only seventeen.. Probably out there having sex for money too. Find a god damned life would you?!" She screams at me from the other side of the door.

"I'm doing a lot better than you that's for sure so shut the hell up! I don't go through your crap all you probably have in your purse is food stamps anyways! And if your wondering about your cocaine, I don't have it. So stop complaining that shits missing. I have plenty of time to get my life together, I'm not some old piece of shit like you who has no time left" I run out of breathe and pull my long brown hair into a bun. Looking under my bed, I grab my duffle bag with all my money and clothes/belongings I have ready for the day. I count my money, $476.17 . Well it's enough to get me somewhere, I'll just have to see what I can do. I shove it back under my bed and pull down the bed skirt so you can't see anything.

 My birthday is approaching, but I don't want to wait anymore. I want to move out- better yet I'll run away, I'll drive so far no one will ever find me. Maybe then I'll be lost, and maybe if anyone will take the time to help me, I will be found.

I set my bandana on my dresser and look at my tattoo, a pair of arrows crossing over each other and our gang name, "Hell's Angels" they've been here for me more than anyone, too bad I'll be leaving them soon. I trace my fingers over my tattoo, thinking about all our memories. I snap out of it and go to my bed, shut off my light and whisper so softly, "better is coming."

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Well I know it will get much better as we go on so don't give up on me. Um if there's any questions I'll answer, and I will need 2-4 more characters if anyone wants to be in it.? 

Love you, if anyone ever needs anything I'm here ❤️ 
- Lani