Angel of DarknessRobinxRaven

Chapter Four

         The first rays of dawn seeped through the thin veil curtains already I missed my dark room back in Gotham as my eyes took in the room Jinx and Victor offered me. It wasn't girly but it also wasn't me either I could tell that Jinx had tried her best to make me feel at home. Yet I still felt out of place I was beginning to doubt my own choices. My ability to see to reason and separating my needs with what was right. Maybe coming to New York had been a bad idea after all. I knew what I would be getting myself into when I made my choice of choosing to stand by my friend's side on the most important day of her life. Yet now all I could feel was regret and the need to run, run while I still could.

Sitting up I pulled my knees tightly against my chest resting my chin against my knees that were tangled within the grey sheets. The various shade of purple and cool gray that filled the room brought me some peace but it did very little to settle my nerves as I remembered what the day still had to offer. Knowing that I'd have to put myself through yet more misery. Force another pleased smile on my lips as I watched the man I loved holding another in his arms. That could have been you. Had you not been a coward. A small voice whispered in the recesses of my mind. My nails digging through the sheets into my knees. No Richard only saw me as a friend. An ally. I shot back. All of my emotions replying in unison. Liar.

Normally I wasn't one to idle in bed when I knew there was much to do but I just didn't feel the need to get up and start my day not just yet. Victor's words from last night kept running through my mind accompanied by the vivid image of seeing Richard's arm wrapped around another woman. All night I had tossed and turned hour after hour whenever I found myself able to enjoy my sleep my mind conjured up the image of the raven haired male like always I was chasing after him my finger tips brushing the barest of skin. But like every dream I found myself falling into a whirlpool of darkness as he walked off with another happiness radiating from his enchanting blue eyes. One with whom he could live a normal human life with unlike the life he would ever live with me if he were to ever realize just how deeply my feelings for him truly ran. At my side he'd only find one thing and it was not love but only misery and even death.

Digging my nails into my flesh I shook my head allowing the pain to bring me back to reality. My voice still sounding horse from just waking but still stern enough. "Get yourself together Roth you have no time to be thinking of all those what ifs." Closing my eyes, I fell back on the bed tossing my arm over my eyes as once more I reprimanded myself. "It's time to finally turn the page and once and for all close that chapter of your life. Time to grow up and face the reality, you stupid girl. Richard and you come from vastly different worlds, worlds that could and should never ever merge. Ever." I felt the tears flowing freely beneath my arm. My voice cracked as I allowed myself to fall apart. "No matter how deep the love you feel for that man the best you could ever do is to keep your distance no matter how much it kills you. If you truly do love him. Protect him from yourself." Something I kept telling myself over and over again.

Self loathing one of my inner emotions that I had yet to merge with whispered in the back of my mind along with regret. How can you let go of something that was never yours? Something that you were too frightened to ever give yourself the opportunity to chase after and watch flourish? You are a coward Raven nothing is holding you back not your father not your powers nothing but you. You can no longer use that as an excuse. No the only thing that is stopping you from truly knowing what happiness truly means is you Raven. You are your own curse.

My eyes burned as the tears kept coming of their own accord. Ever since I was allowed to express my emotions it had become difficult to reign them back in once they have been unleashed. Like you said it was never mine. He was never mine I know when to step aside from a pointless war. You didn't even try you ran before the war even started. You gave in on the first battle and again when Kory said his name. You didn't even let her speak you blocked it out. You ran away yet again. I didn't want to suffer I've suffered enough. Hearing that he's found another would have destroyed me. Understand that. I pleaded with my emotions begging them to see my reason. I will never understand that you have always lived in fear of losing control. That fear of destroying the world no longer exists well not to the extent it once did. You can't keep hiding behind that excuse any longer. If you choose to flip the page you will have to learn to live with the consequences because you brought this upon yourself. If. No when you lose him, you will only have yourself to blame. Solely you.