As I drive on this narrow, seemingly endless country road, all I can think about is him. My mind is blurred and I drive at least 10 miles over the speed limit; but I don't care. How can one terrible incident be that much of a predecessor to someone's own life? Finally; i clear my mind for a split second to see his house. Sitting at the end of a long narrow curve, it looks as happy and carefree as ever even though I know the dark secret the house is currently keeping. I pull into the long gravel driveway slow as ever so I do not wake the neighbors. It would draw too much attention to this dire situation. As I put the car in park, it spits its last remarks and silences. I just hear silence. Not even the birds are chirping. Just a sunny nothing filled world. So happy, but so deadly. I open the car door as quietly as possible, and I jump almost 16 feet when I hear a group of ravens shrill cries into the bright gloom. I exhale, calming myself, and continue out of the car. I finally get out of the car, and I close it quickly. I am shocked when I realize I don't hear the dog start to bark. Usually every time I get to his house, his dog goes crazy until I'm inside. A sense of worry starts to grow in the pit of my stomach. Like a ball that is consuming me from the inside, out. I walk quietly to the to the door. I knock on the door calmly and almost forget to breathe from listening. I still don't even hear a bird or a single cricket. I start to panic inside. Remain calm. I tell myself. Everything's fine. I steady my breathing and knock again. I knock three more times and wait one minute after; I hear nothing. I desperately slam my tiny fists into the hard door. My knuckles start to bleed; no answer. I pound louder and with more urgency, some blood on the door. I call his name.
"Lou. Can you please answer the door? Lou... sweetie?" I plead in a calm but desperate voice.
No answer. I finally get up the courage, and I open the door. At first, the door squeaks and then all is quiet again. Light floods into the room, and my eyes take a second to adjust. The delicate morning rays of sun peek in through the sliding glass door in the kitchen. Then, I see him. I swallow the lump in my throat. The sight that I see is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. It is truly indescribable.
I find him kneeling down on the kitchen holding a half drunken bottle of whiskey in his left hand, and a gun to his head in his right. He has a blank look on his face. The sight of nothing in his eyes. I gasp and all of the sudden I am weak. I fall down onto my knees as well. As I hit the floor, it makes a loud thud. This wakes Lou out of his daze the tiniest bit.
"Marie." He chokes out with his eyes locked on mine. I feel my heart break in two when I see the absolute sorrow in his eyes. He looks at me with a look that speaks a thousand words all at once. I stumble up off my feet and run straight over to him. I wrap my arms around his chest and hug him with all the willpower I have.
"Lou, put the gun down please." I say as I embrace him.
"Marie I can't; it's too late for me." He says firmly into my ear, his eyes locked on something in the distance. I reach my hand slowly up his arm to the gun, and I wait. I wrap my hand around his hand, which covers the trigger tightly.
"Marie, stop." He says in a firm but pleading tone.
"No. No Lou! No!" I say to him with a little bit more courage.
"Marie..." He tries but then I cut him off.
"Lou no! You are my world! You can't leave me here alone like this! You can't! I won't let you!"
"And what are you gonna do about it Marie?!" He shouts, suddenly he is not himself. He shoves me off of him and then struggles, but stands up. He takes a sip of the alcohol and starts waving the gun while yelling at the top of his lungs. I am afraid the neighbors will hear.
"What are you going to do about it?! You can't do shit Marie! You can't do shit! So what, you love me! Big deal!! If you truly loved me you would know what was best for me." He starts to mellow out at the end of his phrase.
"What's best for you...?" I ask staring at the ground. I cannot look at him.
"I don't belong here Marie. I don't belong to this world." He says slowly putting the gun up to his head.
"Lou, Lou no! Lou!" I yell and jolt up on my feet.
"It's too late; it's too late." He mutters with the gun to his head. He keeps muttering this phrase and I don't know what to do. I panic; he is gonna shoot himself if I don't stop him! He starts pacing and then I hear the weapon click. Oh no. He's gonna kill himself! My mind can't think straight. I don't even think about what will happen, I just go for it.
"Lou no!" I scream and I throw myself at him.
Bang! I hear the gun go off. I failed! I think and then I look over at Lou, who is amazingly still intact. He looks shocked and then I realize something: the bullet did fire, but where did it go? I stare at him and my head throbs for some reason. I feel so faint.
"Marie! Marie?!" He calls and then he runs over to me. I look down and then I see it. I see red running from a hole in my chest. I inhale deeply and feel the sharp pang of pain. I collapse and he catches me. My body starts to tremble.
"Marie! Love, I'm so sorry!" He chokes out. He starts balling.
"Lou, don't you dare cry. I'm fine." I say and I reach up and touch his face.
"I love you sweetie." I say with as much voice as I can muster. I feel my body going limp and I hear him calling my name. His voice fades away into a dull roar at the way back of my mind. My vision clouds but my mind plays memories of us. I exhale.
