Crushed

Chapter 20

Nicholas Is my kryptonite, and I think he knows it. I struggled to make a decision, and when I made one, I didn't have the nerve to text him. What if he ignores me again? I couldn't deal with that. So after hours of a mental war, I lost my will, and ended up not texting him. I couldn't reject him over text. I don't have a heart of stone. I left it to the next morning, the morning before the dance. I had to do this, I had to confront him, and tell him, no. I had to, but when it came to the moment I had to say it, the words didn't come. I just stood there, trying to formulate words, and he stood there, waiting for me to give him an answer. He asked me if I was okay, and I shook my head. "No, I'm not, I can't do this," and then I ran. I traveled as fast as my legs would carry me, which isn't that fast considering how slow I am at track and field. Nevertheless, I bolted. I had to get as far away from there as possible, and even that wasn't far enough. I dodged the people walking in the halls. All of them looked at me like I was crazy, and I have to say, I kind of was. I was crazy to even consider going to the dance with him, that alone would end the infamous #Bellex, and would send me down another spiral of sadness, regret, and despair, not to mention watching sad movies 24/7, and lots and lots of ice cream and baking.
I kept running, and ran right into Julie's arms. I couldn't tell Alex about this, but I had to say it to someone. The only other people I trust are my family, and Julie, and I was not about to talk to my family about boy problems. Unless marriage... then maybe.

She engulfed me in her arms, and just let me cry for a moment before asking what was wrong. I told her everything, every detail and emotion associated. I told her about the dance invitation from Alex, the guidance counselor's office with Mrs.Pesten, and of course, the extra invitation. She didn't say anything until I had finished, when she said, "Nicholas doesn't deserve you. If he really liked you, he would have asked you to the Halloween dance." I nodded, looking at her. She locked me with her eyes, they're emerald green, and I could get lost in them. She reached for my cheek, and wiped away a tear. "Do you want me to talk to him?" She asked. "Yes please," I said, with a quiver in my voice. Jules is good at that sort of thing, and I know she'll be able to do it without crushing his heart, something I should learn to do.

I'm not exactly the smoothest person on the planet... Well, I kind of have a giant armata of awkward stories, just to prove how socially incompetent I am. Most, if not all of them are the result of me talking to a boy, who is either completely ignorant, or far too informed, if you know what I mean. *wink, wink* There I go again, making a perfectly good moment inherently more suggestive, not to mention awkward. Please, just shut me up before I make it any worse.

*****

Oh yeah, the dance, how could I forget that? With the things that went down, I'm surprised my brain isn't still splattered all over the gym walls. (Don't worry, there were no real explosions, it was just a metaphor.) In our class alone, there were way too many couples. Jacob asked Emilie to the dance and she said yes. Charlie asked Jade, but got rejected, and then he asked Brianna who said yes. Also, Avery asked Jade who said no again, and then Jade asked Sean. I was so surprised when she asked him, and he said yes. Jade is the girl who wears all black all the time, and doesn't talk very much, only when she has to. Everyone danced like their lives depended on it, and when the slow songs came on, the couples would dance, with all their friends who didn't have a partener surrounding them. I have to say, Jade and Sean were really cute together, but not as cute as Emilie and Jacob. Emilie is just so petite, and Jacob so tall that they make the cutest couple. Emilie's hand basically disappears into Jacob's, and the moment is just so tender, it makes you wonder how it was even possible for them to get into all that drama in the first place. I just love the way that they look at each other, she looks up at him with those big brown eyes, and he looks down at her the same. And then there's Charlie and Brianna. If you were to see them in the hall together, you wouldn't think that they would dance the way they did together. Charlie is one of the least romantic people I know, but what he lacks in romance, he more than makes up for in courage. He was courageous enough to ask one of the school's most respected bad girls to dance, and wasn't afraid that she had never said yes to anyone before. Brianna has black as night hair, and a pierced nose. She wears leather jackets every day, and black leather boots when she's not wearing black wedges. Just about everyone is afraid of her, because she carries a pocket knife, and is in army cadets. Yet, somehow I've seemed to have been able to befriend her. She knows me, and says hi in the halls. Whenever people see that she knows, and likes me, they're really impressed. Anyways, Charlie is kind of on the shorter side, and has short brown hair that sticks out from his head. I've always thought he looked kinda like a comic book character. When I heard that Brianna had said yes to Charlie my mind exploded. I knew what she did to the last guy who asked her, and it wasn't anything I can even start to describe, or this would have to be rated mature. The way they danced together, it was a sight that could only happen in a cheesy love story... oh wait, that's what this is. Back to the topic at hand. They looked like they were meant to be, I just hope that they stay a thing. And now, for what you've all been waiting for, Anne, No, I'm just kidding, Alex and I.
At the beginning of the dance, I entered the gym shyly, not knowing where to go, or who to find first. I was quickly lost, getting pushed into the crowd by another large group coming in after me. I got shoved, tripped, and bumped, until I finally spotted Alex and Julie in the corner talking to each other. I wiggled my way through the crowd, never taking my eyes off the two of them, knowing that if I did, it would mean I'd probably lose them. That would be one of the definite advantages of being tall, being able to look over that crowd. Anyways, when I finally made it to them after battling the mob to get there, the two of them looked at me with eyes that could only mean that they were about to do something mischievous. I finally got to the clearing that Alex and Julie were standing in, and the two of them approached me with that same precarious expression plastered across their faces.Without saying anything to me, they grabbed my arms - one each - and dragged me backwards, towards the centre of the dance floor. I had no idea what was going on, I just knew that one of my least favourite songs was on. It turned out that someone was waiting there for me. It was none other than Nicholas.

"What?" I said to Julie as she turned me around to face Nicholas. I was quiet enough, of course so he wouldn't hear me, but then again, no one can really hear anything but the song whip nae nae blaring from the speakers. I detest that song. Something about mainstream music and dance fads just disgust me. The same happened with gangnam style, all those years ago. What, two? Yeah, that sounds about right.

"This was his idea, just go with it," she whispered in my ear. "Hey!" He yelled. He looked around us before motioning for me to follow him. It was at that point that I realised that Julie and Alex had left me alone with this guy. The part I was the most confused about was, why was Alex a part of this? Did Julie tell him about it? When she said it was his idea, did she mean Alex? I stopped questioning, and followed Nicholas to the corner of the gym, where it was quieter, so we could talk, I'm guessing. "I'd like to start this off by apologizing. I shouldn't have asked you to the dance, but I did, even though I knew you were taken, and I'd like to say that I'm sorry for that." I was taken back, I didn't know what just happened. "Did Alex put you up to this?" was all I could ask. An expression of puzzlement drew across his face. "Um, no? Why would he do that? This was me finally acting on my feelings, and you think this is just a test your boyfriend put me up to do? I'm offended that you don't think this is coming from my heart," he said, looking hurt more than ever. "I'm sorry, but grade seven boys don't exactly have the best track record for acting on feelings. Actually, you might be one of the first guys I know that has done that. Most of them just tease their crushes until they cry, I know that's what you did last year." I said, trying to seem genuinely apologetic. "No, last year I talked to my crush everyday, and tried to gain their trust. I didn't tease her a lot, but I guess you would know if that's true." He said, looking back down at his feet. "I would know? You mean I was her?"
How could I be so stupid? Everyone said that he liked me, and I never believed them. I could have avoided all of this if I had just come out and said it. If I told everybody that I liked him. This could get complicated.
"I'm sorry, but you're too late, Alex got to me first, and now you and I are both paying the price," I said, ignoring the little voice inside of my head, telling me to kiss him so he would shut up. This would have been so much more basic if I didn't still have some feelings for him. I admitted it, I have feelings for him. I am the worst girlfriend on the face of the earth. I need to go dig myself a hole, and die in it, before I hurt anyone else.
"That's alright, I just needed to get that off my chest, before I exploded," he said, looking me in the eye. His beady little brown eyes had always gotten the better of me, but this time when I look at them, I don't see a future in him, only the memory of the feelings that died that day, in the corner of that gym. I couldn't take it, I just couldn't. I had to cool down somewhere, but my better judgement told me to go find Alex, and apologize for being such a bad person. I shouldn't have even taken the offer into account, but now all I can do is just be honest, and ask for forgiveness, and I don't blame him if he doesn't accept, seeing how bad I am at life.

I found Alex and Julie hiding in a neer by group, who were too big to even realize that they had too many people. As soon as I saw them, we made eye contact and they pounced like pumas on their prey. Both of them swooped, in, and pushed me back to the corner we were just in, but by this time, Nicholas had departed. They forced me back there, and started questioning me, but I didn't have any answers. If I had the answers I probably would have told them, I just needed them first.

I was overwhelmed even more than I already had been, and ended up crying. I tried my best to not, but I couldn't help it. Everything was happening, and I couldn't handle it. They pinned me into the corner, and all I could do to escape the bombardment of questions they were proposing was to slide my back down the wall, until I was sitting on the floor, and let my hair cascade off of my shoulders to create a curtain of hair between me and the world. Tears streamed down my face, and the dancing bodies, as well as those that were just rushing by, all amalgamated together, to create a mesmerizing cluster of blurred colour. All I could think of was all the different ways I could escape this hell hole. None of them would be effective if I wanted to attract minimal attention, so as a result I just sat there, tasting the salty aroma of my own sadness. Nothing was making that moment any better, and the thought of Anne only helped make it worse.