Katy's summer

My name is Katy. I'm 15 and I suffer from depression and Anorexia. At eight years I was a little over weight and I got bullied for it for. I finally took action 2 years later; I threw up after every meal and hardly ate. I lost lots of weight and I got addicted to managing and losing my weight. I became bulimic, only weighing 30 kg's at 11 years old, but the bullying didn't end; I was then bullied for being too skinny and anorexic. They told me to gain some weight but I couldn't, to me I was fat no matter what and I just wanted to keep losing weight.

At age 12 I started to cut and no one knew; I kept it well hidden. It was my biggest secret till I attempted suicide at fourteen, I had become addicted to the pain.

It's the summer Holidays; the only time I wear sleeveless shirts, singlet's, shorts, skirts or dresses. I never wear bikinis because I would reveal the scars and my bony body, I try my best not to cut during the summer to make it easier to hide what I do to myself.

I wanted to stay home today to sleep and eat then vomit it up again, but Benny came over to the batch and dragged me out of bed.

Benny is one of the three friends I have, he's a few years older than me. I hardly see Him he lives a little far from me, but during the summer we both stay at our beach houses a street away from each other.

Benny wanted to go to the beach and I hadn't covered my scars yet, I told him to meet me there in 30 minutes he wouldn't leave and waited. I got changed into a pink dress and wore a black cardigan to cover my arms, I put on foundation and I was ready.

As we left I told him I Couldn't swim due to having my period which I didn't have, I didn't want him to see my wrist, I didn't want him to find out, I wasn't sure how he'd react, I was afraid I'd lose him.

We were at the beach laying side by side on towels in the sand it was quiet and peaceful. He slowly moved his hand to hold mine a rush of shock and excitement went through my body I wasn't sure what to do so I laid and did nothing till he let go, he rolled to his side and asked if he could see my wrists I sat up with no expression on my face, so many thoughts running through my head I didn't say anything then he slowly took off my cardigan to put it down, tears running down my cheeks as he glide his hands along my scars.

We walked home with silence in the air till he spoke. "Katy I'm here for you, and I love you and so does your family, I realise how hard things are for you and I do understand as I have been there before, actually I am still recovering, it has been awhile since I last hurt myself, I still think of it often, but the thought of you gets me up and going."

I wasn't sure what to do or say till the silence grew and I quickly asked "why haven't I heard this before?" he quickly replied "The same reason you didn't tell me I'm guessing, I didn't know how you'd react I thought you'd leave like the others."

"I'd never leave you" I replied. He smiled then said "good I won't ever leave you."

It was a happy walk back he quickly changed the subject and talked about our memories together.

we arrived at the front door, I asked him if he wanted to stay for a drink he slowly replied "that's okay I should get going my mum is making dinner, but I'll be over tomorrow if that's okay?" He said. "Yeah sounds great, I'll see you then" I replied with excitement.

I walked in to my room and closed the door behind me. I had this strange feeling running through me it was like excitement and happiness mixed. It was weird like things felt different between us but it wasn't bad different I couldn't stop thinking about Benny, do I like him more than a friend?

I'd normally just keep things like this to myself but I felt I had to tell someone. I rang Emily I told her everything from what happened today to my feelings. "You have to tell him, he obviously has feelings for you, not telling him will ruin you both." Said Emily "I guess but it could wait a little" I replied. "Katy I've got to go Dylan is waiting for me, love you a heap, bye.

Dylan is Emily's bad-ass Boyfriend They've been together for 3 weeks and Emily is convinced they love each other, me not so much but he makes her happy and that's all that matters for now.

I found myself curled up on the counter in the kitchen eating ice cream. Shortly after stuffing my face I hopped off the counter to head to the bathroom to throw it all up then dad came out of nowhere he said "Don't you dare throw that up it's good for you, and what's wrong?" He asked "What do you mean what's wrong?" I asked "I may be of the male gender but I grew up with an older sister So what's wrong?" "Dad it's nothing really" "Okay so who is he?" He asked "Dad!" I snapped "Come on Katy spill" he said "It's Benny." I said quietly. "So you like him more than a friend and you don't know what to do?" He asked. "Mmhmm" I mumbled "Maybe you could talk to him about it?" He suggested "I can't to do that I'm too shy." I said looking at the ground "Trust me it'll be a lot better if you tell him, you'd be happier than you are now." He stated "What if he doesn't like me that way?" I asked "Then he's gay. Katy you've got to give it a go, are you seeing him tomorrow?" He said "Yeah but I don't know if I should." I said quietly "You're going to see him and talk to him about it okay? If he breaks your heart I'll break his physically, then I'll buy you an ice cream truck" he said with a smile.

My dad hasn't always been like this; last year I was in hospital for attempting suicide soon after my family changed. My dad broke blaming himself for not being there for me not listening to me and putting work before me. My mother was confused and tried her best to help me but she was only making things worse dad picked it out and they got divorced and mum moved in with Nan. It's all my fault they broke up and I do hate what I've done but without her has been a lot easier i have to do a little more house work but that's fine. Though it was a little hard on my younger brother Liam, he was really confused on why mum had left but being only five he's too young to understand.

I spent the rest of the evening with Liam. He loves all things nature so we often go on walks through the forest near the batch and find ourselves picking out rocks in nearby creeks. We live in the city so Liam absolutely loves spending time here. While walking Liam finds a quartz crystal in a creek extremely happy about his find he asks if I can help him read a few of my books on geology and crystals. "I'd love to see your crystals too Katy bug." "Yes Liam we can do that.
When we get home dad has dinner ready chicken Parmesan pasta. Dad was working as a chef at his own restaurant before the incident. He owns 4 restaurants 3 of them are closer to our home  in the city and one here but when the incident happened and Mum left he relieved himself from most of the work. He homeschools the both of us.