Control

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Ella

As I walked from my dorm to campus, I couldn't stop the smile from appearing on my face. I finally made it! I had put so much effort and hard work into making it here, that I felt as though the last few years I was existing solely to work, and now that I'm here, I feel as though I am ready to live.

Being raised in a low-income household, I had to work hard to acquire scholarships if I had any hope in attending Yale. My parents were very supportive and encouraging, although I think they secretly predicted I would not achieve my goal. I believe they thought it curious that I wanted to study music, which so often puts one in the spotlight, when I tried to hide from it my entire life. I am unsure why I possessed so little self-esteem and had major anxiety when around people, but that did not deter me from my dream to compose music.

Because my instrument of choice was voice, I had to work very hard to overcome my stage fright. A better diagnosis would be stage terror. Before intensely practicing handling my stress, I would either faint or run once the spotlight hit me on stage. Even practicing in front of my family was terrifying. I found my coping mechanism two ways. One, I hid my physical identity by wearing a wig, colored contacts, glasses, and muted, bulky clothes, and two, pills for anxiety. I think the disguise helped convince me that even if I were to receive criticism, it wasn't the real me that was being criticized. I have been wearing said style ever since, whether or not I am performing. Call it my security blanket. While I am not proud of it, I do not deny that it works in my favor and I have been able to wean myself off of the anti-anxiety meds.

However, auditioning for the Yale School of Music and making it, will forever be my proudest moment, especially because I did so without my usual security blanket. Mind you, I had to rehearse every single thing I said and did, but it turned successful in the end. With my hard work on my craft as well as my academic prowess, I was able to acquire a scholarship in both music and academics, which allowed for all of my tuition plus housing to be covered. I had worked all throughout high school, so I had savings which would cover books, food, and other expenses until I was able to find a part-time job here in New Haven.

I was heading to my first class, Advanced Music Theory, and was well over an hour early. I planned on treating myself to a cappuccino before class. I could use the caffeine for I slept horribly because I was both anxious and excited for my first day. My roommate and best friend Allison was still soundly asleep when I left for campus. I felt extremely blessed that she had also made it to Yale and I had someone here with me that I knew and loved.

I made my way to Blue State Coffee and after standing in line for about 15 minutes, ordered my cappuccino and found a booth in the corner where I could wait for my name to be called. I pulled out a book and began reading where I left off. Disgustingly, a bead of sweat dripped from my forehead onto the page. The summer heat was still prevalent, especially when walking almost two miles wearing a short black wig covering up my massive head of red hair, along with my long jeans and large brown sweater. I wiped my forehead and discreetly adjusted my wig before reading on. I silently hoped the summer would fade quickly into fall.

"BELLE!"

I turned my head to the screaming barista. I guessed the order was mine, as they almost never hear the names right when ordering. I hesitated to see if a true "Belle" would appear before hearing, "BELLE! CAPPUCCINO!"

I quickly gathered my things and went to grab my drink. Feeling my pocket vibrate with a new message, I looked down to see a message from Allison. Before I had a chance to open it, I crashed head-first into rock wall of a man. My drink exploded on impact, dousing both myself and this stranger in the brown liquid. Luckily, with my matching brown sweater, I wouldn't be too affected, but I looked at the chest in front of me and saw it quickly staining a white, and very expensive-looking, tailored shirt.

I felt my cheeks flame in embarrassment and I squeaked out a quick "I'm sorry!" before rushing back into the coffee house for napkins. Without glancing into the face of my victim, I began frantically dabbing at the liquid on his chest shaking my head and murmuring apologies the entire time. After about a minute of this, I felt his large hands grasp both of mine firmly before he exclaimed, "Enough!"

I looked up at him in surprise and my breath caught in my chest. I don't know if I have ever seen someone look so menacing before. His stormy blue eyes held the deepest frustration as a scowl formed on his perfect face. I untangled myself from his hands and quickly took a step back, distancing myself from such intensity. I looked down, my face heating in fear this time, and bit my lip to hold back tears of humiliation and horror.

I heard him harshly exhale before he asked, "Did you think a f*cking napkin would actually help?!" He turned to someone standing behind him and sighing angrily said, "Can you order for me, man? I've got to run back and change before Econ thanks to this blind b*tch." His friend nodded as he took off in the opposite direction from campus.

Thawing from my frozen state, I started walking towards campus before I heard him yell, "Hey b*tch! If I EVER see you again, I promise I will make your day a million times worse than you've just made mine!" I quickened my pace and prayed that I would never see him again.