Running through the forest. Stumbling. Blood pumping. What is chasing me? That is the epitome of fear. Not knowing, not understanding. Crunch, went the branches and leaves under my feet. Thump. Thump. Thump. All I heard now was thumping. My feet? My heart? Some odd drum, I thought. Then I felt it growing louder. A ringing joined in, but not like a phone, or a bell. It was almost a silent ring. Like when you've just bumped your head and you hear it inside you. Was the thumping inside me too? Was I insane, was I dead? Was I dreaming?!
Tears slowly began to stream down my face as I ran. Hysteria had taken ahold of me. My lungs were burning, my heart was racing, my head was exploding with all the thoughts swirling through my head, I felt like my feet were burning. When - no, how - would this end? Would I die if I wasn't already dead? Would I be running from this unknown horror for all of eternity? God, help me! I thought. And whether or not I was already insane and this event was just a symptom of insanity, it would surely seize me at any moment.
Suddenly, I felt a rush of pain. I had tripped on something, and flew towards the ground. Everything around me became a blur. The world - or whatever this wretched place was - slowed down. Perhaps I was passed out, but whatever darkness replaced my vision, I began to fall through it. And, yet in the darkness, I was conscious. I could see my ghostly white hands, shaking and sweating. I could hear my breath. Rather, I could feel it sucked from my mouth with each exhale, leaving my throat dry and my lips cracked.
"Stop it!" I screamed with a mixture of both anger and fear. "Who is doing this to me? Why is this happening?" I cried, furiously running through the darkness in search of my hated tormenter.
Suddenly, my body went stiff and limp, but I somehow knew now I wasn't dead.
Now, before I continue, I must share an important truth with you, but I'll try not to give anything away, or steal a chance for you to hear a fascinating story, horrifying, however, to me at the time. This truth is one that I failed to realize then and there in those moments. I was ensnared by my terrifying thoughts, because, in all honesty, the mind is a most terrifying place. Anyway, Descartes once famously said,"I think; therefore I am." Maybe if I had recounted this, I could have escaped my frenzy. But if everyone could recount truths when their fears took over, then no one would be afraid. In such cases, the mind is a dark and stormy sky, void of any light or clarity.
Of course, before Descartes could come to this conclusion, he struggled as did I, in doubting reality, God, and all things. He came to the point where he believed he was crazy. Descartes, in his struggles, later on encouraged me both in his conclusion that one's thought process, even that of considering these issues, was proof of one's existence, and the fact that he underwent the same skepticism as me.
But I'm sure you're much more interested in the chase, prior to my philosophical interruption. So where was I?
