After You

Two

It was the end of our junior year and something was wrong.

I called Hanson one night with what should have been exciting news to both of us.

"The new Agent Green comes out in July," I practically yelled as soon as he picked up the phone. "I think we should see it the day it opens. You'll have baseball camp during the day, but maybe at night-"

"I'm not doing baseball camp," Hanson said simply.

"There's a showing at- Wait, what?" I couldn't believe it. "But you have to do camp in order to play on the team."

"I'm not playing on the team."

"Why?" Hanson loved baseball. He'd been playing practically since we could walk.

"I don't know. Just don't feel like it."

"Oh. Well, I guess we can see the movie in a matinee-"

"Um, no thanks, Liv."

I couldn't believe that, either. "You love Agent Green!"

"I dunno. I just don't feel like it. Listen, I'm gonna go to bed, okay? I'm real tired. See ya."

"Okay, I guess. Good night."

He'd already hung up.

•••
That summer, before our senior year, I didn't hang out with Hanson at all. I was afraid he was losing it, and I've never exactly known what to do when I'm afraid.

Every time I talked to him, he seemed... restless. Unsatisfied. He'd always been bored with everything normal, but even things that usually excited him, like jumping off the dock or climbing onto roofs, didn't seem to interest him.

It was like he wanted something that no one could give him.

•••
It was November of our senior year of high school, and I called Hanson one Friday night.

"Are you going to this party at Lexi's tonight?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said gruffly.

"Oh. Well. She wants to know if I'm coming by, like, now."

"So tell her if you're coming or not. What does it matter if I am?"

I blinked, and then I blinked again. He knew perfectly well why it mattered.

"Hanson-"

"Be your own fucking person, Liv. Do what you want. Make your own friends. You don't need me all the time." He hung up.

I stared at the phone for a moment, and then dialed another number.

"Hey, Lexi? Sorry, but I can't make it tonight..."

That was when everything started to change.

•••
The next morning I woke up to my phone ringing. I grabbed for it with one hand and my glasses with the other.

"Mmmppph?" I muttered into the phone when I picked it up.

"Liv? It's me. I'm- sorry. For last night. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Um. It's fine. Why are you calling me at-" I checked the time. "5:17 in the morning?"

"Oh. It's that early? Sorry. I'm- in a weird place right now."

"What? Where are you?"

"I mean- not physically. Like, emotionally, you know? Spiritually. You know?"

I did not know. "Um. Yeah."

"So we're good?"

"Sure. We're good. Are you good?"

"Me? I'm great. Never been better, man." He sounded absolutely delirious.

"Um, okay. Bye, Hanson."

"See ya, Liv."