Aftermath (An SVU Fanfiction) *EDITING*

Gone

It's been a month. One month since her daughter's suicide.

I should've protected her better.. she thought. I should've protected my baby.

"Liv, where'd you just go?" The look she gave him said it all. "We did everything we knew to do. We thought she was getting better."

"So I'm just supposed to not be upset? My baby is gone.."

"Liv, you have two more babies that need you today. They need you more than they need anything. I need you."

"Dylan needed me!" Olivia cries. Elliot held her in his arms, trying to hold back every tear that dares to fall. "She needed me and I wasn't there!"

Eli and Aiden were sitting on her grave, eating her favorite pizza. That's what they decided to do to remember her. Eat her favorite food, listen to her favorite music, and remember the good times. They wanted to celebrate her life instead of being upset.

That's something Olivia couldn't do. She couldn't continue to pretend everything's okay.

"Mom. Do you want some?" Aiden asks, holding up a piece of the greasy food.

"No. Thank you, though."

Aiden turned to his older brother with saddened eyes. No matter how hard everyone tried, nobody could shield him from the pain of losing his sister.

"It's okay, Band-Aid." Eli ruffled his hair. Eli started calling him band-aid after Dylan died. He always tried making everyone feel better. Scooby-doo band-aids. They "make all booboos feel better" so Eli told him. "Look, mom's just sad. We all are."

"Why did she have to go?" he asked.

"She was really sad. She tried to be happy. She tried to make everyone around her happy, but she wasn't."

Aiden looked back at his parents who were trying to comfort each other and then back to Eli. "But she jumped--"

"Don't say it!" Olivia interrupted. "We're not talking about that, understand!?"

"Liv, it's okay. It's not his fault, don't take out your anger on him."

Eli picked up the pizza box and stood up, Aiden doing the same. "How about you come stay with me and Beth for tonight?"

"I think that's a good idea," Elliot tells them. "It'll give me and your mom some time."

=

Olivia seemed to be going back to square one. Her behavior, her emotions, her whole being is..traumatized. She didn't even hear Elliot when he called her name from the kitchen. She just stood there, watching herself in the mirror. Her baby is now gone. Gone.

I should've protected her, she thought. She died and it's my fault. It's all my fault. You're a failure, Olivia. You failed as a parent. You should've locked the doors. You should've-

"Liv," Elliot said as he turned into their bedroom. "Liv, Eli said that Aiden was passed out asleep."

"Uh.. Okay. That's..that's good."

"Hey, it'll be okay." Elliot pulled her against him and rubbed her back.

"My little girl is gone, Elliot! She's gone and it's my fault!"

"It's not your fault; you couldn't have known she would jump-"

"SHE DID IT BECAUSE I WASN'T THERE FOR HER!" Olivia cries. "I wasn't listening or maybe I wasn't being a good mom or-"

Elliot hugged her tighter. It helped calm her down enough so she could breathe. "You..we did everything we knew to do. Liv, we loved her, we still love her and that's what matters! We tried our best and our best was all we could and can give."

"Well our best isn't good enough. Our best got us nowhere."

"Liv."

"What? What do you want from me? My baby is dead."

"And you have two more that you need to take care of!"

"Fuck you, Elliot!" She pushed him away from her and cried harder, breathing heavier and clenching her fists to relieve some sort of pressure. "You know what? Maybe I'm not a good mom. Maybe-"

"I didn't say that!" Elliot yells. "She's gone! That's not your fault! That's not my fault! It's been a month since she jumped out of that car and there's nothing that you or I or anyone can do to get her back!"

"Stop!"

"YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT SHE'S GONE, LIV! We can't keep putting Aiden on the back burner because of that! He's hurting, too! Probably more than any of us! You need to get your shit together!"

"Fuck you. I'm done."

Olivia grabbed her car keys and left.

=

She stood on the roof of the building, her gun in her left hand and a bottle of vodka in the other.

Olivia took one last gulp of poison before she put the gun to her head.

"Stop!" Elliot bursts through the door after climbing God knows how many flights of stairs and runs to her. "Olivia, don't!"

He tackles her to the ground as the gun goes off and a pool of blood surrounds them.

"No!!"

A/n: Sorry I took so damn long to update, and I'm also really sorry that this is so short. I needed to give y'all something tho. Hope you liked it even tho it's pretty depressing. Thoughts?