June 2, 2016
-tRiggEr waRninG!- proceed with caution-
Gerard's P.O.V
I'm bisexual. I wanna tell Alex, but like, isn't she strait? And doesn't she think I'm strait. She did say everyone is a little gay, but what if she was only saying that to make Mikey feel better? Ugh.
"Oh hush!" Alex says. "You know you ship it!"
I roll my eyes. "Of course I ship it! I jut don't want to imaging my little brothers ass sex face, okay?" I say. She cringes.
"Neither do I! Thanks for bringing it up." She says and playfully punches my arm.
"So-" she gasps, cutting me off.
"What?" I ask. She darts her eyes up the the clouds.
"Did you feel that!" She squeals.
"Wha-" but them a rain drop falls on my nose. "Yeah I did."
More rain drops start to fall and Alex is jumping around. She look 5. She's so adorable.
This should be fun. I take her hands in mine and we jump around in unison. Her hair is slick and stray pieces that escaped her braids are sticking to her face. She stops jumping and looks up at me with her big brown eyes. I move the strands of hair and wrap my arms around her waist. She bring hers up to my neck. I lean down. Our foreheads, eyes, and nose align, then our lips crash into each other's. This is, well was, on my bucket list. Kiss someone in the pouring rain.
I was like 8 when I wrote that. It isn't pouring now, but the strength of the drops increase and our kiss seems to last for an eternity. Until there's really loud thunder in the distance.
She pulls away and peels off her soaked shirt and yanks mine up. When I take it off, she grabs my head and pulls it back down to hers and kisses me hungrily.
Alex's P.O.V
This is the first thing on my bucket list. I had to make one as a homework assignment and kiss a boy or A GIRL in the rain.
That's how my parents found out I was bisexual. When I turned my assignment in, I had to go to the office and call home to come out to them. When the teachers and staff members that were drinking coffee and gossiping in the office found out the reason I had to call, they gave me weird looks. I returned the favor by flipping them off on the other side of the door through the window. Fucking homophobes.
I feel Gerard kinda buck his hips against me, so I grab his ass. He gasps and jumps up. I laugh. He smiles and them somehow his right foot slips out from under him and he flops in the mud.
"Shit!" He says and starts to prop himself up. I quickly sit on his thighs and pin him down by his wrists.
"You look so cute covered in mud." I say. He snickers.
"Sure." He says.
"You know what else you look cute covered in?" I say.
"What?" He asks.
"Me." I say and grab his face, making my mouth collide with his. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I part my lips and let his tongue explore my inner mouth, like it's done many times before. But it's different this time. I don't know how to really explain it, it's just better than the other times.
I stick out my tongue to touch his. He moans a little. Then, we have a tongue fight. It's awkward and cute. Like Gerard.
"Hey, can I ask you something? It's really weird." Gerard says.
"Yeah..." I say.
"Are you a virgin?" He asks. I nod my head yes.
"What do you think?" I ask.
"Well, I figured you were." He says.
"Are you?" I ask. He nods yeah too.
"Duh!" He says. I kiss him again. Them I pull away. Then he kisses me. It just like that back and forth for a while, then things get a bit more heated. I undo his belt and slip it off. He unbuttons my jeans.
I look at him, and he looks nervous. I'm sure I do too, even though I'm trying to make a poker face. "Are y-you sure?" He stutters.
"I'm pretty sure. Unless you don't...um, are you ready?" I say. He nods his head yeah. I kick off my shoes and socks and start to pull his jeans down. I have to take care of his shoes too. Once he's in nothing but his boxers, I take off my own jeans.
We sit there, still and quiet for a while. He has his hands are on my back and my head is resting on his chest, I'm wrapping my legs and arms around him. I really don't think I can do this. I'm sacred beyond words.
"Um...so...uh..." Gerard says awkwardly.
"What?" I ask.
"I don't know." He says.
"I don't think I know either." I say.
"How are you going to walk into the shower house without being interrogated by people?" Gerard asks, he sounds like he's about to pass out. I make circles on Gerard's upper body with my index fingers.
"I could say I was walking around and looking at stuff and I fell of someone asks?" I suggest.
"Yeah, that could work." Gerard says.
"I just don't want to go back. I want to leave this place. This state. For good. I would only miss Mr. Jingles. And you." I say.
"If you run away, I'm going. I would really miss Mikey, but I'd live." He says.
"I wish I had a sibling." I say.
"It's pretty cool. I mean, we argue about the stupidest shit, but we have the same taste in like, music and shit." He says. If I had a sibling, they would probably be all religious and assholeish like my parents. But, when I was younger, my parents told me everything I'm into, alternative rock music, tattoos, piercings, horror movies, colored hair, is wrong. But I still love that shit and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.
I don't answer him. I just listen to the sound of his heartbeat. Then, the realization that I'm gonna have to come out to Gerard about being bi sinks in. Ugh.
Gerard's P.O.V
She doesn't say anything else, and the rain starts to die down a lot. It's dark now. Maybe she doesn't wanna do anything. I don't blame her, it's me. Who would wanna fuck me?
"Gerard?" She says.
"Hm?"
"I think I should get back and wash up. Shouldn't the girls be at the pillow fight by now?" She says. I shrug.
"Probably." I say. She gets up and I think she's crying. Maybe not, it's pretty dark. She gathers all her clothes and heads to the trees. When she's gone, I gather all my shit and walk back to the suite.
When I get there, Ma is somewhere else, so I jump in the shower. I wash my hair first, then I scrub all of the mud off of myself. I step out and wrap a towl around my waist and head to my room. I hear the front door open and close. Shit. Probably Ma.
Then, I hear someone laugh. I recognize it, it's Ray. Thank God.
"Shuttup!" Mikey says and starts to laugh too. I hurry and get dressed so I can eves drop.
There's more laughing. Then silence. Then moaning. Then the sound of a mattes squeaking. Then more moaning. Then more laughing. Holy shit!
I cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing.
I hear the front door open again. "Where's Gerard?" I hear Ray ask.
"I dunno. Let's go before Ma gets suspicious. We'll just say it took long to unpack your shit because you have a lot." Mikey says.
"Sounds good." Ray says and the door closes. I burst into laughter and plop back down on my mattress, where I soon fall asleep. Alex wears me out. God I love her so much.
Alex's P.O.V
I run into the shower house. It's empty. There are 10 stalls with toilets and 5 rooms with showed and sinks. I go the the last room, close the door behind me and lock it. Before I came in here, I got what I needed from my room. Big Nirvana tee shirt, boxer shorts, deodorant and a razor. Madds wasn't there. I'm still in my bra and underwear. I take them off and step inside. I turn the hot water up all the way and the cold on halfway. There's shampoo and conditioner in here, that's why I didn't bring my own.
I wash all the mud off of my body, undo my braids, and scrub the shit outta my hair. I think of Gerard. His perfect facial features, his pale skin, toned arms and torso. He's perfect. Then there's me. Scrawny limbs, no muscle, pointy face, awkward nose, bisexual, drug addict, I'm just shit. Literal shit. And i probably hurt him. Oh my God! How could I fucking do this to him? I grab my razor with tears streaming down my face, and slam it on the floor. The plastic around the blades cracks a little.
I get on my hands and knees and smash it against the floor a lot more until the blades are loose, and I grab one. The shiny meal looks inviting. I bring it to my wrist and slit it wide open with ease. I think some more.
Ugly. Cut.
Stupid. Cut.
Emo. Cut.
Disappointment. Cut.
Scrawny. Cut.
Addict. Cut.
Piece of shit. Cut.
Worthless. Cut.
Insane. Cut.
I make a few more just because I can. The crimson red shiny blood. There's so much. All over the wire shower walls and my face.
I look down at my arm and see what I did. I smile. It's beautiful to me. I'm fucking twisted up inside my mind.
~sorry it's kinda eh~but it's my favorite chapter so far~
~if you're reading this, can you plEAse follow me???~
