As I stood there I knew the conversation was not going as I had planned. Peter looked at my with those puppy dog eyes that always seemed to break me down and I said the words again unsure if he had understood the first time ‘I’m attracted to a women, I don’t think that we should be together any more’. But still he just looked at me. We were standing in the kitchen area of the flat that I shared with my two best friends Joe and Sophie. It had taken me a long time, so long to get up the courage to say the words out loud and now there was no reaction I don’t know what I was expecting but it was not this.
Peter and I had been together for the past three years for the first year I can truly say that I was happy but for the last two I had just pretended like everything was ok. After all I didn’t want to be the girl that everyone was talking about I didn’t want to be different from everyone else, I had spent my whole life trying blend it so why rock the boat. But for to long now the thought of Peter touching me brought out goose bumps all over my skin and not in a good way, I had lost count of the times we had fought over me not wanting to have sex with him. It wasn’t as if I didn’t feel anything for him and he was a really decent bloke but my heart wasn’t in it anymore and I couldn’t lie to him or me any longer.
‘Are you going to say anything’ I asked looking at him. He sat down at the table ‘I don’t know what you want me to say, it’s a bit of a shock you know. I thought we were happy’. I sat down next to him ‘I’m sorry, but I cant help the way that I feel. I didn’t want things to be this way and I’ve tried to stop myself feeling the way I do but it just wont go away’ I reached out and held his hand ‘Why didn’t you talk to me, so who is she. Have you been seen her behind my back’ He pulled his hand out of mine ‘No its not like that, I just know that I don’t feel the way I should about you anymore. I’m sorry’.
‘I cant believe you kept this from me, do what you want I’m leaving!’ with that he walked out the door.
It hadn’t been an easy thing for me to come to terms with and I think that I had hidden from it for a long time, but it didn’t feel right to lie to Peter anymore and I had to be honest with myself. I had always known that something wasn’t right, had never really felt comfortable but could never put my finger on what was wrong until that day when Emma had walked into our home with Sophie. It was strange as I had seen her around before had chatted to her before and never really felt anything so that day had taken me by surprise. I was sitting at the kitchen table when Sophie had come home with Emma in toe I hadn’t really paid that much attention as I was working on my laptop, I popped my head up to say hello and went back to my work.
A little while later Sophie came into the kitchen. ‘Wanna join us Kate, we’re just gonna watch a DVD’ Sophie had always been comfortable in her own skin and made no secret of the fact that she liked both men and women and it depended on her mood as to which gender she would go for. She had this confidence about her that people loved, she never cared what she looked like and always just wore what she felt comfortable in. Today it was jeans and a men’s shirt her brown hair was tied back which showed her green eyes to their full potential. ‘Yeah why not, I’ve been stuck at this computer all day. Unless your trying to get into her pants I don’t wanna get stuck in the middle of that’ I shut down my computer while I spoke. ‘No mate, she has a girlfriend’ I laughed ‘When has that ever stopped you!’ Sophie winked at me and walked out of the room.
As I walked into the living room Sophie had already sat down I in the arm chair leaving me to sit next to Emma on the sofa, I smiled as I sat down not really knowing her all that well I didn’t really know what to say the lights had been dimmed down for the film ‘What are we watching then?’ I looked at Emma, I didn’t want to seem rude or like I was ignoring her. ‘Its Sophie’s choice, some kind of horror’ As I looked at her I realised how pretty she was, her floorless skin and bright blue eyes her face framed by her blonde hair. She was small with a slight frame. I don’t know what happened to me but my breath caught in my throat as I looked into her eyes and I felt my heart beat speed up. I must have looked like a fool because I couldn’t get my words out and I just kept looking at her and I realised how close we were sitting so I just nodded and turned back to the T.V.
