Realization (Camren)

Shouldn't it

Everything is always as it seems isn't it. Well it should be right? Often, it's not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don't know how to be. It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know their own beauty or perceive a sense of their own worth until it has been reflected back to them in the mirror of another loving, caring human being. For me that human is Camila. Yes my band mate. I've thought long and hard about everything. My thoughts taking over my mind as I continued to grab that bottle of Vodka and not even bother to pour it into shot glasses. In the last 48 hours I have been through 3 whole bottles. I don't even remember half of last night. One minute I was sitting on the bed in my hotel room and the next I woke up griping the bottle and sprawled out in the hallway in front of Dinah's door. I picked myself up and shook off the feeling of guilt that was resting in the pit of my stomach. The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down. I didn't want to be that person that drowns there feeling in liquor, but hey here I am downing another bottle in my hotel room.
I am who I am; no more, no less. But maybe I could fix that. Actually no I need to fix that. For her. When your back is to the wall and you are facing fear head on, the only way is forward and through it. And you know what that is what I am going to do. I'm going to go straight forward because you know what, I can't live with out her in my life.
I look down at the notepad that is in my lap and read the first quote I have written down, "Keep your best wishes, close to your heart and watch what happens." And that is what I tend to do.

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Yo it's ya girl Colleen and I'm back with a whole new book for you! Please comment what you think and if I should continue.