In Her Shoes

Prolouge

It was too late to have said goodby now... She was gone and I could not take back what I said to her... I didn't know she had cancer, she never told anyone... I wouldn't have said what I did, if I had known... And to make it worse I have to decide what things of hers I "wanted" with that thought running through my head...

Flashback
"Mom you just don't understand! He was unfaithful! I can't just forgive him and move on" I yelled for the millionth time during this argument

" He is your husband! For better or for worse, remember that! He said sorry, can't you just accept his apology and stop being so stubborn for once?" She said folding a pair of pants and putting it in her dresser

"He said sorry and than went and did it again! He says it's because I'm always so busy! What happened to 'I'll back you up no matter what you choose to do' or what about his 'for better or for worse' huh?" I was exhausted of this argument... To make it worse I had to go and tell my 2 daughters and my son that we are getting a divorce... Adam wasn't going to be there since 'I was the one that wanted the divorce and I was the one who can't forgive and forget'

"What about your children? They are barely getting over your fathers passing and now you are going to spring this up on them? As a mother I would never have done that to you... I would have never made you go through a divorce between me and your father, no matter what!"

"So now I'm a bad mother for wanting to be happy?  You know what never mind, you wouldn't understand..." I sighed in defeat knowing she wouldn't give in

"I wouldn't understand? When you were 12 your father had an affair! I found out and even though it was hard I forgave him... For you and your brothers..." She said

"You didn't do that for us!!! You did that for you because you were too weak to do anything on your own! You know that! You were weak as a mother, as a wife, and as a person! I don't want to be here anymore! Bye" I left the bedroom and made my way out the door

"Ella!" She yelled, I could tell she was crying but at that moment I didn't care...

"What!?!" I yelled back, fighting back my own tears

"I love you" she sobbed

"Sure you do" I said slamming the door

   Present day

I rummaged through her stuff whilst stifling a tear...

"Ella" I heard someone whisper behind me

I turned to face my older brother

"Oh hi, Ricardo" I said wiping my tears

" why are you crying? If this is too hard for you I can do it..." He said with a sympathetic smile... It's the same smile my mom would give me when I was sad about anything

"No.. It's not just this... It's just... Well... I never said goodbye to mom and our last conversation was a fight and let's just say I said some things I didn't mean" at this point the tears were rolling and they weren't going to stop

Ricardo took my face in his hands and stared at me for a while

"You know, you have moms same exact forgiving eyes" he half smiled

"If she was here now, her eyes would be filled with anger if she looked at me" I said

"Her eyes were always forgiving and you know that" he said kneeling down to grab a box of her stuff

I knelt down beside him...

"What are these..." I said picking up an old pair of scuffed and worn out white tennis shoes

"Those, little sister, are one of the only pairs of shoes mom has ever owned... The only other pair was the heels she requested to be buried in" he said looking at them

"How old are they?" I asked half disgusted and half intrigued...

"She had them since she was thirteen... Man, she loved these things..." He said taking them
" Its a shame we have to get rid of them"

"Why are you getting rid of them!?" I raised my voice

"Well who would want them? They are old, and gross... They have no value to anyone anymore..." He said

"If they had value to mom... Well... Then they have value to me, I guess" I said snatching them back

"Ella are you crazy! They'll just end up in the back of your closet somewhere next to that pair of 6 inch heels you can't wear, and those tap shoes from when you "tried" to learn tap dance" he looked at me in disbelief

I kicked off my blue nike tennis shoes and slipped them on... They fit almost perfectly...

"I've decide I just want these and the wedding rings..." I said getting up and dusting myself off

"Wedding rings?" He said "Those were buried with them"

I held up the chain that I had put the rings on...
"They requested one of us gets them"

"Are you sure that's all you want then?" He asked

I took a look around the room...
"Yes" and with that I walked out of that house for the very last time ever.

I place the chain with the rings around my neck . With my Nikes in hand and my car keys in the other I walked down the block to my silver Lincoln Navigator..

I looked back at my childhood home on last time as I started driving and knew I was leaving behind my mother, my father, and my whole childhood life...

I looked back down at the white shoes... They gave me a warm feeling, like she was with me in that car... 

She was with me. I know it.