Dear Diary,
I'm really not in the mood for this shit to be honest, but my shrink said its the best thing for me. What the fuck does he know? Talking about I need to find a new form of release other than sex. My pussy pops and I ain't ashamed .. But I guess this writing thing is pretty cool, I mean I did used to write all the time back in the day but the shit got boring.
Anyway..you're probably wondering what I need a shrink for, well that makes two of us. The only thing this motherfucker seems to be able to tell me is that I'm promiscuous and that's a damn lie but if there's at least a tiny bit of truth in his lie..I guess it has to with what happened to me when I was younger.
I think I was about thirteen .. I remember because I was getting my period and shit. Anyway, my older brother Darrion had this sexy ass friend named Markus..I mean he was beyond fine. He was tall as hell but muscular with these broad ass shoulders. His skin was dark chocolate and his smile was bright with the most beautiful teeth.
My brother used to have to meet me at the bus stop all the time because we lived in this fucked up neighborhood and my momma didn't trust me walking home alone with all the many men that were posted around all the time. Anyway, Darrion met me at the bus stop one day with Markus and a few of his other friends. I could've sworn I saw Markus checking me out. I had a fat ass for my age and my tits were coming in...but I played it cool.
We got to my house and my brother went up to his room with his friends which was right next to mine but my brother told me I couldn't go up to my room cuz they were doing "grown men" shit.
"But you ain't even grown, you're only 16"
I embarrassed my brother in front of his friends..a few laughed including Markus' fine ass. But he snapped back at me.
"Just keep your stupid ass down here!..read a book or some shit"
His friends laughed at me but Markus didn't, he kind of got stiff and his face looked cold when my brother said that to me, that's when I knew I wasn't tripping..Markus was feeling me.
***
My brother was up in his room with his friends smoking, laughing, & talking...the same shit they did every Friday night 'cuz our mom worked so late into the night at the hospital nursing.
I was bored as shit and I only had but two friends but they lived a lot further than I did in nicer neighborhoods so the most we did was talk on the phone but I didn't feel like talking much...I just sat there reading one of my ZANE books getting myself turned on .. Then all of a sudden Markus came from nowhere.
"Ain't you too young to be reading those sex books?" He interrupted me.
I looked up at him , I think I blushed a little but I hated being looked at as a little ass girl so with as much attitude and confidence as I could I responded
"I do whatever I want, I'm mature enough to make my own decisions"
He laughed a cute chuckle
"Is that right? Well then why are you stuck down here instead of the comfort of your own room?"
He sat on the couch with me .. He smelled so good.
I sucked my teeth "because I don't feel like fighting with my brother..besides, I don't want to hear y'all goofy asses all loud and shit anyway while I'm trying to read"
He smiled "you know you like when I come by here..don't even act like you don't"
I was a little surprised he came at me like that but I still had to keep my cool