This Is Where We Broke Up

A week ago I told you we need to talk, ....and you penciled me in. You can tell something is wrong and I can tell that you know something is wrong  but neither of us is going to say anything. I'm late as usual, you give me a hug and a kiss and you can tell i'm nervous on how quickly I let go. I'm immediately annoyed by how far we're sitting from one another but also kinda grateful on how far we are from one another because I don't know how to tell you this up close. I skim the menu and ask how your day was; trying to avoid eye contact and you talk about work, as usual, not asking me anything. As per usual. Recognizing that this is awkward I ask if you wanted a drink trying to break the tension but I just could really use a drink. When I think about how you look like I remember you no closer than 8 ft away, looking at your phone that isn't about spending time with me but right now, when your right in front of me your leaning closer for the first time in forever asking whats wrong saying words more present then you've ever been. This just got a lot harder. Suddenly, I remember the first time we met and the way you were looking at me the way your looking at me now with the kindest eyes I've ever seen that stop me in my tracks and this is the moment i almost get cold feet. But before those eyes can stop me again I look at my drink and say i think we should break up.

You go silent as your eyes scan every inch of my face to get a grip on what I just said; Dammit, you're beautiful when you're in shock you open your mouth like your about to say something and close it again, unsure of what to say. And now my heart is sinking I'm remembering every reason I fell for you for the first place, all the memories and moments that made me put this off as long as I did. Now were sitting here staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. My anxiety boils up out of me. "Are you going to say anything?" But at last you finally break eye-contact, look down and whisper "I don't know what to say". But I whisper back "I'm sorry I shouldn't of blamed you for this". Now this is the most loudest moment of silence I've ever sat through "like you didn't give me the time of day, I had to schedule our breakup a week in advance" And you lean back "No. I understand."                                     "But you didn't reply to my text, I got one word answers. I was skipping meals so we could eat meals together and I got tired of waiting." And you look back and say "I'm sorry. I know I haven't been, I don't know." We talk for a while and call it a night. You give me another hug and kiss me on the cheek, the way you know I love and this time, I don't want to let go. I can't count how many times I've come back to this restaurant at this table, with this waitress and replayed that conversation in my head. Rewriting the things I wish I never said, regretting the things I said and didn't give you a chance to say. Wishing that I told you sooner that something was wrong and wondering;maybe you cared more than I thought. 

This is where we broke up. I wish things would of gone differently.