The Soldier's Wife

The Soldier's Wife- A short story

As many little girls do when growing up, I dreamt about marrying a knight in shining armour- a handsome hero who would save me –and the rest of the world- from all things evil. By day he would slay dragons and by night he would return home on his white horse and hold me in his arms.

Little did I know then, that I would indeed marry a handsome knight (or at least the modern day version of one), but that life wouldn't turn out to be the fairy tale that I had expected.

When I first met my knight, I was working as a freelance photographer for a local newspaper. It was a rainy day, which didn't suit the sunny mood of the residents in the population 3000 town. Their boys were coming home and no stormy weather could dampen their jubilant mood. It was the biggest event the town had seen in eight months, apart from that Tim McGraw concert in June, hence the presence of two journalists and myself.

It was when my foot got caught in Bessie Wyatt's microphone cord, right in the middle of her rendition of the national anthem, that my knight came swooping in. My hands reached for the camera around my neck and lifted it to the sky, and as if in slow motion, I was falling to the ground when two strong arms, clad in camouflage, caught me. To say that it was love at first sight, might sound silly, but when I looked into Captain James O'Connor's brown eyes, it was just that.

I loved everything about James O'Connor. I loved his southern drawl and the way he raised his eyebrows when he was amused. I loved the thin white scar that stretched from his cheekbone to the corner of his mouth. I loved the dimple in his right cheek and the golden flecks in his brown eyes, but most of all I loved the way he made me feel. Safe. Warm. Loved.

Two months after we met, and a month before he had to return to his station, we got married in a beautiful little cathedral surrounded by snow covered hills. We were madly in love and spent our entire month-long honeymoon cooped up in our new little home with the blue shutters, only going into town when it was absolutely necessary.

Before long, it was time for James to go and saying goodbye to him that first time, was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. Even though I knew from the start that that day would come, no amount of mental preparation could steel me for it. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry, that I wouldn't upset him with my tears. The entire day I held my composure, but when the night came and I looked into his beautiful brown eyes, not knowing if I'd ever get the chance to see them again, I couldn't keep back the tears. Once again my knight was the hero, holding me in his arms, telling me about all the things we were going to do one day when we were sitting on the retirement home's porch. I prayed to God that it would be true.

No one told me this beforehand, but when you are married to a soldier, you live in constant, sickening, paralyzing fear, from the second they leave, up to the moment they return home. There's this ever present uncertainty in you, not knowing where they are, what they're doing, if they're alright... When the doorbell rings, it's like a punch to the gut and you're praying not to see men in uniform-hats in hand- on the other side of the door. The first few weeks after James left, I didn't know how to cope with this fear and I submerged myself in my work and the renovation of our new home.

It was only when I ended up fainting while taking pictures at the mayor's son's bar mitzvah that I realised I had to find another way to cope with it all, so I joined a prayer group for soldier's wives at the local church. There I found a lot of women like me, struggling with the same fears. Some of them were also married recently, others have lived this life for more years than I was old. I didn't know how they did it, how they could be so strong, carrying on with their lives as usual, but after going to the meetings for a few weeks, I could feel the change inside of me as well. The fear was still there, but the restlessness was gone, replaced with a calm inside of me which I could only describe as coming from Above.