One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 24 - Finn

Jesus.  The sight of Rae post me making her feel good is exquisite.  She is relaxed and beautiful.  She is sexy as fuck. Especially as her body spontaneously convulses with the aftershock of my touch. She is still layed out in front of me exposed.  It is so overwhelming.  My incredible girl, brave and trusting.  I reach for the blanket on the couch and cover us.  As I place it on us she makes almost a cooing sound. 

"Rae?"

"Hmmm?" she replies seemingly a million miles away and unable to come back down to earth.

"Thank you."

"Huh?" she replies. She looks curious.

"For trusting me" I begin "for letting me make you feel good.  It did feel good didn't it?" I ask hesitantly.

"Finn, it was alright" she teases still not opening her eyes.

I arrange myself so that I am close to her and I am stroking her hair and studying her closely.  I am looking for any hint that she may not have enjoyed it, but all I see is her in a state of bliss.  I can't describe the feeling of knowing that I gave her that.  

Fuck. I stop myself.  I know that I am so aroused and I made this all about Rae, but my mind knows that I could easily slide myself between her legs to satisfy my desire for Rae, but I have to not be selfish.  This isn't about me.  This is about me giving to Rae.

"Finn, what are you thinking?" Rae asks.

"Nothing" I reply.

She opens her eyes and I am sure she can see adoration, respect and lust.  To be honest the heat between us is clear.   I love that she is here with me. 

"Nothing? Really?" she asks.

"You are beautiful" I say, hoping this time she believes me.

She smacks my hand "Seriously Finn, comeon spill it."

"Honestly Rae?"

"Yes" she says in her breathy voice which makes it more difficult to resist her.

"You are beautiful Rae, but"

"But what?" She has given me that look that says she is expecting me to say something horrible to her.

"Rae, before I tell you, what do you think I am going to say?" I push her needing for her to tell me what is going on.  She has instantly sat up and is steering me down.

"How do I know Finn?" she defends.  She is an expert in defence.

"Yeah you do, what are you preparing yourself to hear? Tell me."

She shakes her head and starts to get up.  I put my hand out.  "Don't" I order.

There is no way I will let her take off from me or avoid this conversation. 

Rae sits back down and there is silence.  Just when I give up on her telling me what is going on she looks like she is gathering words but every time she goes to start no voice comes and I can see she is visibly distressed.  Fuck I am a complete knob.  I took something incredible and ruined it.  My girl went from brave and trusting to scared and unsure under the weight of my questioning.  An unnecessary line of enquiry.  Me being selfish and pushing her, just when she was feeling comfortable with me.  About us.  

I take her in my arms.  She attempts to recoil at first but I need to make this right. "Girl.  I am sorry."  I rock her in my arms.  Calming her.  "Shhhh Rae, it is ok" I repeat over and over again, cradling her to me.  I haven't wanted to calm someone this much in like forever.  Exes were irrelevant to me.  I never really gave them the time of day or cared about whether I hurt them.   I mean I didn't intentionally go out of my way to hurt any of them, but if they were I would just avoid them until they were ready to move on. Noone made me want to soothe them.  None of them.  Not one.  

"You are beautiful, but..." I start over again.  I can feel her distress growing instantly.  "But, if you would let me finish I was trying to say that I am finding it really hard not to fuck you right now with you lying here in front of me.  You looked amazing, and it has been so hard to contain myself.  I was also going to suggest we go to my room, listen to some tunes and get comfy."

She is still. "I'm sorry Finn."

"There is nothing to be sorry about girl" I say "I really shouldn't of pushed you".  

"I am sorry that I thought the worst" she continues. 

"Rae, stop it!"

"I can't Finn, I don't know why I do it, but I keep thinking you are going to tell me to go away, to leave you alone and that this is one massive joke.  I hear what you are saying to me, I want desperately to believe you, believe it all, to trust in what I am feeling, but I am so fucking scared.  I am scared you are going to hurt me" she confesses. 

"Let's go upstairs" I suggest.  She starts to wriggle about putting her pants back on and wraps the blanket around her.  "You go up Rae I will be there in a minute" I say.  Rae leaves the room and makes her way upstairs.

I sit for a minute trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing to Rae.  Why did I think that she was going to react any differently.  I am so stupid, because I wasn't thinking.  I need to be thoughtful.  I need to protect her from my desire to break down her walls.  If I am patient and kind, I am sure she will come around.  Tackling Rae head on only makes her reinforce her wall, which makes it so much more difficult next time to let me in.  Let me close to her.  Let me be what I want to be to her, and have her be to me.   

I pick up the glasses, empty cans and bottle, and take them all to the kitchen.  I stand at the sink looking out into the backyard, and I can't help but think about all the times, I was happy, but if I was to be honest, none have made me as happy as I have been in the last couple of days.  I need to be near Rae.  I tidy up the lounge room, turn off the lights, lock the doors, and make my way upstairs. 

I pause outside of my bedroom door.  I take a deep breathe and walk in.  I enter finding my side light on, covered to mute the light, a pile of Rae's clothes on my floor, Rae within my bed.  Fuck.  In that moment, the penny drops.  Rae is naked in my bed. Rae can see my reaction and smiles at me.  "Tunes?" I ask, she nods in reply eagerly.  I walk to my tapes and pick one that includes tracks with any references to being sorry.  My girl deserves that, but I am not sure I can say it again.  Not today. 

I start to undress in front of Rae, jeans, shirt, pulling it over my head.  My every move is deliberate.   I am purposefully slow.  "Finn come to bed" she says impatiently.  If there is one thing that I have learnt about Rae Earl in the last 24 hours is that she likes seeing me undressed.  She likes looking at me and I love the way she looks when  she does that.  It is so intense, like she is trying to memorise every inch of my body.   I slide into my bed next to Rae.  I lean into her and kiss her.  I pull her against my chest, I can feel her skin against mine.   I love it.  Correction.  I love Rae.