So many unanswered questions

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How is it that you know exactly how to get to me? How is it that you know exacty how to hurt me and how to fix me? Why do you always say exactly what i want to hear? Why do you make me feel so alive yet so dead inside?  Why do you complement me and insult me in the same breath? Why do you give me hope then rip it away? I just cant do it anymore...its getting to much to handle...i love you,but you're happier with someone else and that is enough to kill me. I just dont know anymore. Im feeling way to much for one person. I am going through a lot for just me. Im being pressured by my parents. I still have expectations to meet. I keep losing the people i love everyday...who will i lose next? My sister? Already lost her. My dad? Already lost him. Im losing everyone i care about...everyone that means something to me...and i dont know what to do...who to turn to when im depressed, because the one i normally go to has shut me out. I cant talk to anyone about how im feeling...they wouldnt understand me the way he did...but he left, hes gone, he has shut me out and i dont know why...it kills me that he wont talk to me...i hear people say his name and it takes all the strength i have left not to cry. Soon enough i won't be able to hold back the tears. I cant focus on anything. The only thought racing through my mind is that he is so much happier without me in his life. I miss him. I miss everything. I miss the letters he would write to me. I miss the kisses and hugs...i miss all of it,but there is nothing i can do about it, i cant fight for him...ive already lost that battle. Im terrified that this time he isnt coming back. So as i lose people i care about i lose myself, and i dont know what to do anymore. It hurts so much, and im terrified that ive lost him for good and i dont like that. Ive spent so many nights crying my eyes out over him. If i leave and forget us... Ill NEVER get you back.

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