Dreams vs. reality

Reality number one

Crush number one has and will always bring me sorrow and disappointment. I really do think this has damaged me for the long run. It all started in 8th grade when i fell for a boy that i knew he was to good for me and turns out he still is. I first saw him when my teacher didn't show up and i had to go to his class. He really had to pee and thats what caught my attention and everyone else's he got up and stormed out. I was like woah he's brave. He came back and sat down. I really cant remember him before that but i can remember him as the kid that ran out to use the restroom.
Im not sure why or how i fell in love with him but it happened and i couldn't wait till 9th grade to see him. He would always hang out with my brother. They were friends. Typically he was the skater boy hottie. In 9th grade i made a friend she was my best friend and everything I've always wanted to be. Truthfully i was fat and chubby and she was cute and skinny. Why she was my friend i will never know. Me and her became best friends i told her everything. I told her about him. How much i loved him. And everything i liked about him to his cute smile to his longish hair everything. I guess i loved him so much she started to love him too. I know he wasn't mine. It all happened so quick and soon i started to hate her why would she take something i liked so much? How? They started going out. And thats when everything in my life started to suck. She was my only friend so far. So guess who was the third wheel. And guess who saw them making out. Guess who cried every night because she wasn't good enough. Yeah it was me and that sucked ya know my at home life wasn't good either but thats a different story. She just doesn't know how much she hurt me. Maybe if i was more confident back then maybe things could have been different. Most of the time i would think well at least he's happy. I never once thought about myself now that i look back if i cared about myself more maybe he would have liked me or even thought i was cute but no I'm never first choice always second and that sucks. I really hate her for that. She knew. I really did love you Zigh. Thanks for the memories and right now i hope to leave these memories here in this book. Thanks though for being alive for existing your smile and your laugh brought me more joy in that sad young teenage girls world. For that I'm grateful.
Reality number one is crushes really do crush you.