Mask- a Supernatural fanfiction

Chapter 24: Middle School Crush

CATHERINE POV

"Because I love you!" Cas had shouted at me just moments ago.

Cas loves me? I knew he loved me, but not in-love with me. I knew he loved me as a friend, as I love him, but this? This was not what I thought. This is crazy. The feeling of guilt that stabbed my heart was strong. I felt bad for not loving him back in that way. But he was a friend to me, a brother even, but a lover? I just couldn't give him what he wanted. He wanted me to love him back the same, but-but I love Dean. I wanted to give him something back for all he has done for me, but I just couldn't give him this. I couldn't. I wouldn't be able to give him what he wanted, no matter how hard I tried.

"Cas..." I started, my voice soft and low like a whisper. He stared at me, his blue eyes piercing mine, and his anger still relevant.

"I know." His voice was strong and it made me flinch. I've never heard him like this, and it scared me. "I know that you love Dean."

I felt my eyes brim with tears. He deserved love. He deserved all the love in the entire world. But I couldn't give it to him. I couldn't give him what he wanted; what he needed from me.

He stepped closer to me, his strong demeanor radiating off him like the sun. His icy blue eyes stayed locked on mine, and I couldn't move under his stare.

"You know, it hurt when I realized that you're not in love with me. But nothing can compare with the pain I felt when I saw you fall for him," his voice was soft, despite the anger radiating off him.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I shook my head, trying to find something to say to him. But nothing I could say would make him feel better. I knew he was going to be hurt, no matter how hard I tried to tell him I couldn't. I wanted to give him something, anything; but I just couldn't. How do you tell someone who's in love with you that you just don't feel the same, without losing them in the process?

"I'm sorry, Cas... I love you but not like-" I tried to say, but I couldn't find the words.

"Like Dean," Cas finished for me, his anger now appearing in his eyes, "You don't love me the way you love Dean." He was right, but hearing it from him just broke my heart. The way the disappointment flowed off his lips the exact same way the words did made my heart shatter.

I opened my mouth to say something more again, but nothing would come out. I was speechless. He looked away from me, but I could see the anger in his eyes. He hated Dean, and I knew it. He hated Dean because of me. What was I doing? Was I ruining this family?

He turned back to me, his face painted with anger. I wanted him to stop. I wanted everything to go back to normal.

"You still love him after what he did to you?" he almost shouted at me, "He cheated on you, Catherine! He's bad for you and you know it!"

"Something wasn't right about him, Cas!" I yelled back as I defended Dean, "He would never do that to me, I know him!"

"He kissed that girl! He went behind your back and kissed someone else, Catherine!" the memories came back and I shook my head to try to get rid of them, "He cheated on you!"

I turned away from him as I tried to hold back the tears.

"It wasn't him," I said sternly. Dean wouldn't do that to me, even if he didn't love me. He would've said something at least before leaving. I knew him. And that wasn't him. I didn't recognize him in that bar. Something happened to him, I could feel it.

"You said you loved me," his voice was low now and filled with disappointment. I felt him behind me, but I didn't turn around, "by your room, before we saw that video." I raised my head as I realized what he was talking about. The day he asked to talk to me. The day I apologized to him. The day I told him I loved him. The day my past came back to bite me in the ass.

I slowly forced myself to turn back around to him, and I saw the sadness on his face. I did tell him that I loved him that day. But I didn't mean it how he is taking it now.

"I do love you, Cas. But as my best friend," I explained to him. He took in a breath as if I had taken all his oxygen away.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. But I-I can't give you what you want," his eyes were low as I tried to explain. They were so sad, and my heart broke. "I'm sorry." I reached up to his face to try to give him some comfort. He leaned into my hand and closed his eyes. We stood there for a moment, and then I heard the door click open. I took my hand away and turned around to see Jess. She was carrying a pizza box with a gallon of ice cream resting on top of it.

When she saw me, she froze, her face filled with surprise and relief. Then she placed the pizza box on the table by the door and sprinted over to me, wrapping her arms around me. I hugged her back and smiled against her. She buried her head into my neck and held me tight.

"You're okay... I'm so sorry..." she sobbed into me. I rubbed her back to try to stop her from crying.

"I'm okay. It's not your fault, Jess. None of it is," I told her.