Hold Tight (Phan Adoption)

Chapter Twenty Three

Waverly's POV

Somehow I have managed to turn my life backwards, again. I'm going in circles. I lie, feel shitty, tell the truth. Lie, feel shitty, tell the truth. Only this time, the truth is life changing. This truth could ruin me. This one truth could get me sent back. Back to the orphanage. Back to beige walls and itchy sheets. Back to loneliness. Back to cold showers and soap that dries out your skin.

I have to stop moping around, it makes me hate myself even more. Why am I so selfish? Being upset over what happened is taking a toll on my dads, and they don't even know about it. They see me sad. I don't want them to think they aren't doing a good enough job. I love them.

Even though the reoccurring thought of Mason's cold hands on my skin is internally terrifying, I have to stop. Although I have no closure with the situation, I have to start acting like it never happened. Forget about it. Swallow everything that happened that night and put it inn the past.

I go to the living room with a new look in my eyes, its a new morning. I never went to that party, I never snuck out. Dan and Phil are sitting at the dining room table, almost as if they were waiting on me. My smile forces to grow bigger at them.

"Good morning.." I say hesitantly. They glance at each other in confusion, almost as if they were expecting a different reaction.

"Hey Wave, we have a few things we need to talk to you about." Phil says while pulling out a chair. I sit down and look at them, they don't look angry or upset. Please don't tell me Ali told them..

"Okay," I sit in the chair and cross my legs. In front of Dan there is a white envelope with nothing written on it. I pretend not to notice and keep my focus on them.

"First of all, we want you to tell us what's been going on. You said you'd be more honest and we know something is up." Dan crosses his arms and relaxes into his seat. I can't quite figure out his facial expression. Is he angry, annoyed or worried?

"Well," I start. I know I'm threading along the lies, and it really does hurt. I don't want to lie to them, but I don't want the consequences and the humiliation of telling the truth. I swallow the nervous lump in my throat. "I've just been kinda lonely I guess. I have no friends, and the ones I do have are in America. Everyone keeps sharing that video of me online, I'm scared your audiences will see it. I don't want them to think I'm like.. trashy or something."

"I see." Dan nods his head. He runs his hands through his curls and sighs. "I'm afraid we are gonna have to out you on lockdown again, Wave."

"What?" I slap my hands on the table. My heart drops to my stomach and my mind is racing. Lockdown. It's sucks. It makes me feel like I have no personal life, partially because I don't anyways. "Why?"

"I know you aren't clean." He looks down with frowning eyes. "I found your jumpers in the laundry with stains. Why, Waverly? Why are you doing this to yourself?" Dan's voice trembles. I realize when he says 'yourself' he really means 'us'. Us as a family trying to grow and forget my past. I'm really trying here, I'm doing this for the family. It's clear now that I have no choice but to forget about that one horrible night.

"I'm sorry.." I say softly. I just want to curl in a ball and cry for the rest of my life. My stomach is hard in disappointment. "What does this mean?"

"Well, supervised showers again. It's gonna be just like last time. Until we can gain trust back, if we regain trust back." Lion explains to me. "But, since you told us what's been bothering you I'm gonna call the principal of your old school and have him make the students take the video down so it doesn't spread as much. We love you, Wavey. We just want you to be happy. We want you to to be able to have your own privacy but not the risk of your safety."