Panic Attack

You feel your anxiety start to spread through your body as if its venom in your blood stream, everything around you goes silent and that's when you realise that this time, yet again it's not the controllable kind. The kind where you just walk off and take a breath or put in your headphones and let the music take you away. No. This time it's different, but you know what there is to come..and every day you dread it.

You feel your stomach fill with butterflies, your heart begins to thud, the butterflies slowly make their way to your chest, this is a feeling you're all too familiar with, It's begun. You feel your chest go from a flutter to feeling like a sheet of elastic is wrapping its way around your ribs and slowly compressing your lungs until they feel like they're about to burst. your breathes shorten, you breathe faster. Faster. Faster.

You feel your hands get clammy, you clench your fists in order to just feel grounded in your own personal space. Thinking about it...your personal space seems to be getting smaller and smaller as you sweat more, soon it's not just clammy hands you feel your shirt stick to your back and stomach as you breathe. You claw at it in despair as both a comfort and a desperate way to make this stop. You just want it to end.

you feel your eyes tingle and your tear ducts fill, you squeeze your eyes tight shut and hope that somehow you will be back home in your bed. You open your eyes for a split second and realise that your vision is so blurry that it's better to keep your eyes shut . Everything looks like when you look through a car window on a rainy journey. The first tear escapes and trickles down your cheek, it reaches your lips and you taste it's saltiness.

You feel your body lose control of itself, a wave of fear rushes through your bones and you begin to shake, you freeze up in order to try to stop yourself from shaking but it doesn't work, it just gets worse. The shakes run through you like turbulence on a plane going through a storm. Even when your feet are flat on the ground you can't stop. As your body trembles out of control you start to feel sick and your stomach ties in knots.

you feel your mouth dry out, you instantly feel parched and gasp for water even when you drink, it doesn't quench your thirst to feel some sort of calm sensation rush over your body and block everything out. Your mouth feels as dry as a desert and your throat tightens, you try to swallow but it feels like you can't. Your head is so muddled that you can't even find words to describe what is happening, but even if you could your mouth is too dry to speak.

You feel everything caving in, like there is no escape from what's around you. Everything just seems like it's getting smaller and smaller, closer and closer. The buildings surrounding you seem to lose their once calming and homely vibe and it's as if it turned to the polar opposite, fear and dread it's like it changed right there in front of you. Everything around you just screams danger and makes you feel even more trapped.

You feel their glares, everyone's glares. They burn your skin like acid. They stare at you like you are some sort of show dog in a ring. They think you can't hear them but..you can, you hear everything that comes out of their god damn mouths. Every phase, every word, every single letter that they speak spin around in your head as they repeat over and over again in mocking voices, their tongues, they cut like a blade.