Destiny: Diary of a 15 Year Old Psycho

Panic Attack

 I made my way to a small wooden bench with detailed wooden carvings shaped like vines. I plonked myself down on it and glanced at the gorgeous cloudy sky. I could see gigantic seagulls swooping in and out of the mist, they were so free.

I heard Dad's large feet plodding down the steps. Even though I had my eyes closed, I could picture exactly what he looked like. Extremely tall. Thick, ebony hair that went down to his caterpillar eyebrows. He always wore a dirty old leather jacket that his uncle bought for him when he was 18. It was way too small for him, but it was the only thing he had left from Uncle Pete, he was so lovely. Dad sat himself down next to me. "Don't do that again you little maggot." He said this in a jokily fashion, but I couldn't help but think he was serious. "Well you can't really blame me for being upset can you?" I took a huge sigh and slouched down on the bench.

I woke up feeling awfully groggy and restless, not remembering what had happened since the previous day. I harshly rubbed my eyes and whipped on my dressing gown that I got when I was twelve for christmas. My breaths became shorter. My palms became sweatier. I felt as if I was going to be sick. Tears flowed out of my eyes. I felt an overwhelming sense of fear and it felt like I wasn't actually there, like it was not real. My heart was pounding in my chest. It was as if I was drowning and there was nothing I could do about it. This continued for about fifteen minutes, until it finally stopped. I was then exhausted. My hands were still shaking with overwhelm. I wiped the tears off my face with my dressing-gown sleeve and heard a knock at my bedroom door. "Come in." I sniffed.

"Honey what's the matter? I heard you crying." I could never tell Dad anything like this "I wasn't crying, it must have been next door or something." I hated lying, especially to family, but it was for the best. "But your eyes look really red, and you're trembling sweetie." I had to lie again. This was tearing me up inside. Why couldn't I just tell him?

"It must be my hayfever then'' I mumbled "Get out!" I screamed.

"Sorry pet, I'll go." I felt so bad for shouting at him, but it was for the best. Right?