You're Kidding...Right?
Chapter 08
Shane
Stupid f*cking square.
Stupid f*cking kitchen.
Stupid f*cking food.
I hate cooking.
So why am I trying [and failing epicly] to make Alice breakfast?
Because I'm pathetic?
Psh...Who am I kidding? I'm d*mn near perfect.
It's because I lo-like Alice and she doesn't like me back. This has never happened to me before and I'm not going to let it continue.
I will win her over. Breakfast is only the first step.
Something started beeping. It's square shaped. I put the oatmeal in there. It's the microwave.
I think.
The oven?
It wouldn't stop beeping so I clicked some buttons and its stopped.
"Heating to 400 degrees."
...
The square can f*cking talk?!
Hmmm...5 more minutes should do it.
-------two minutes later-------
I heard a popping noise. It was coming from the square. Maybe I should check it to see if it got done early...
I open the square.
BOOM
Stupid fricken oatmeal.
Now I'm covered head to toe in red sh*t
Wait. Red?! It was supposed to be blue...
The kitchen was a mess. I am SO not cleaning this sh*t up...
Then Alice decides to appear. Her eyes go wide and she faints. The mess isn't that bad is it?
Paul
What in godmothers name is that smell?!
I walk into the kitchen. Theres red stuff covering the walls.
Is that blood?!
"Chill Paul, Its oatmeal." An oatmeal-covered Shane says. Oops...I must have said that out loud...
Wait. Oatmeal?
"Shane. What have I said about cooking?" I ask, tapping my foot.
"That If I can't make something edible, then don't cook at all." He muttered hanging his head.
"Exactly. Now clean this mess up."
I turn to head back to my room. Is that Alice on the floor?!
"Why the H*LL is Alice laying on the floor?!"
"Erm...about that..." Shane starts. "She sorta fainted when she walked into the kitchen..."
Oh, Godmother...What am I to do with this boy?
