Like so many young girls I grew up wanting to be famous. I used to watch television and dream about the Beverly Hills lifestyle seen in all of my favorite films. I wanted to live below that HOLLYWOOD sign and drive down sunset boulevard and over Mulholland Drive in a mercedes-benz while wearing a designer scarf and huge black sunglasses. I wanted to be known by the rich and famous and be seen lunching with the in crowd. I wanted to live where they lived and do what they do. I wanted to belong. I reached most of my goals, but I didn't do it in an conventional way . I did it by using the oldest trick in the book. Sex. I am not always proud of the things I did , and these are things that I would do over if I could . but made the best out of what I started with -- an abusive mother and absent father. I didn't write this book to excuse my past. I sat down to write this book because I think my story can serve as a warning to anyone aspiring to the kind of life I have led, and there are plenty of young people trying to do just that. Where young girls once aspired to be models and ballerinas, they now aspire to be hip hop video girls, the next hot girl in the artists video. Having lived that life,I can say its not everything its cracked up to be. My hips swayed and popped on MTV while I dance on tabletops and and poolside in some of your favorite videos. I've had sex with some of the most delicious and insatiable men in the world. Heads of music labels, nba stars, and Hollywood's A-list to say nothing of the emporers of hip hop . but there's an underside -- if sex and drugs went hand in hand with Rock and roll, they are just as rampant in hip hop . i wouldn't call this book a tell-all since there are many details I have kept to my self for the sake of not embarrassing some of the people Still associated with me. Details such as which one of my music industry suitors i caught In bed with his male lover and which one of my NBA exes often kept track of me by using the Onstar device places in the Mercedes-benz he bought me, many times sending his associates to retrieve me from vacations and nights on the town. Yet, in the middle of this wild ride that I call my life, I was met with challenges which could have ruined me, if it had not been for the power of change. I am writing my story because I have seen to many fourteen-year-old girls dressed up like their favorite pop icons and young women dying to be thin or saving up for the new paid of breast implants that they are sure will make them stars. Young women who look up to me and women who like me and ask to be plugged into the same circles I desperately tried to escape. I have so much firsthand information to offer, and need those young women to know that there are other directions to take . there are always better choices that most of ones being offered to women today, better choices than the one I have made. The top reason a woman finds herself in a rap video, sprawled undressed over a luxury car while a rapper is saying lewd things about her, is a lack of self-esteem. I know it sounds like a cliche, but no one who values,loves, or knows herself would allow herself to be placed in such a degrading position. Finding myself and learning to value who I am was one of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome. Before my "video girl" career, I was known in some circles as a stripper. Others knew me as "superhead," the insatiable lover of many Hollywood stars, sports figures, and some of music's most influential performers and executives. None of that is who I really am, now does it tell the whole story.
Along my journey, there are things that I have seen and overheard which could tarnish and even demolish the reputations of some of these artists. I realized that I had a power which had nothing to do with my body or my looks or my sexuality. I had information usually confined to members of the "Good Ol' Boys" clubs of the industry. I had been allowed behind those doors, as a modern-day Mata Hari. The days of MC Lyte, Yo-Yo, Sister Souljah, and Salt-n-Pepa have faded away. Our Queen, Latifah, has broken new ground in another sector, but has left her place on the throne of hip hop empty, waiting to be filled. We live in a world where the only goals at the end of the day are profit and top-ten spots on the Billboard charts. Members of the industry are being rewarded for selling the most records, destroying in the process the most beautiful thing about us a culture- our girls and young women. It was so easy to be drawn in and dominated by it all. Music videos occupied only a short year and a half of my life, but the picture and the purpose are much larger than that. Magazines, music videos,films, and television continuously fill the heads of young girls with visions of perfect bodies,sex, and money. Parents are often either absent or uneducated or both, rendering them largely unaware of what's going on right in their own living rooms. That little girl whose head was filled with those deceptive visions of wealth and fame is me, all grown up and ready to tell what I know.
