Dear mom,
I know you and dad will beat, yell and ground me for this. Saying I'm just making show and I'm ungrateful. Then again my saliva is still in the computer screen as I write this from when you slapped me.
By know it's evident that I don't fit in at all in my family, me being the black sheep and all. You two have been good parents let me get that out of the way. I'm not saying your bad or that you don't love because you do. I'm saying I'm the problem. I'm your biggest headache. Truth be told therapy isn't helping at all. All you have to do smile a bit open your eyes a small bit every now and then pretend you're exited and say you're ok, that your happy and they will clear you. You know so much about me. But there many things you don't.
You don't know I can't remember how it sounded when you said I love you. You don't know I'm looked in my room fighting tears and shaky hands. You don't know I'm scared of telling you or dad anything at all about me. You don't know no matter what you say I believe you're ashamed of me. You don't know that when dad walked I'm the room I flinched because I thought he was goanna hit me. You don't know that you've said so much that I'm going to fail I'm starting to think if dropping out of college. After all as you say I'm going to be a no-body. So why keep trying? I feel like a stranger in my own family. No one here is like me. I'm the ugly duck of all of us. Every night when you're asleep I whisper I love you in your ear. Hoping you'll say it back to me. You don't know sometimes I grab your phone text myself hey kid I love you, trying to tick myself in to believing it's you. What the hell happened to me mom? I wish I dint let you down so much. I wish I could stay silent when you scold me. You don't know you, dad and my little brother are the only thing that kept me alive for so so long. Because I dint want you to put you through more pain that I already have put you through. Because I have seen how it would be like. Because I dreamed I died once and saw the pain on your tear stained face. You don't know how much I would wish to make you happy. But deep down, we both know I can't. I'll be leaving soon. I'm dead scared about it, I said I wanted to talk to you and you said we would later but that never happened. I just hope that when I leave you live a happier life, free of me. Free of the ghost of the boy who once was your beloved son.
Sincerely,
The phantom of a loving son.
