Green Eyes

Chapter One

Chapter one:

          Let's get one thing straight, I hate therapist and counselors with a burning passion. I, with no purpose of my own, am in a therapist's office with Dr.Spite and my mother. (Jackie, so you know for future references.)

So long story short I write all my thoughts and stuff in this journal. Well Jackie found it and decided I was depressed. So she dragged me to this therapist, I wish she would have stayed oblivious. She just over reacts, really I'm fine! My brother left 4 months ago for college and so they focused all their attention to me; worst 4 months of my life.

"How long have you felt this way?"

Dr.Spite says this and I realize this is the first question she asks me.

She sounded as if she wanted to help me but at the same time was secretly annoyed because she could tell that I really don't want to be here. It was so far off the list of places I wanted to be. Hell I will willingly go catch Ebola if it meant I could leave.

"I don't know, a while." Jackie practically interrupts me as she says,

"Here it says all this started about 5 years ago." And sometimes I wonder how people deal with her.

"Thank you Jackie. Is that true Blake?" She sounds more apologetic and I almost want to open up to her but that thought makes me want to puke.

"Yeah, kinda." I feel the words linger and I want to retrieve them; I know what's coming next.

"What does that mean?" She says this and as a normal person would have sounded stupid she sounded intelligent, more than I.

I allow myself to say this one thing, to let this one light show and maybe they'll both let off a little, "See I don't really know it could have started then and it could've always been there."

This is one of those moments when you wish you would've just stayed staring out the window and nudged it all off. Before she can say nything I wanted to leave, "Um ok great day can we just head out now or do you have to diagnose me or whatever?"

"Blake!" I didn't see anything wrong with what I said but apparently Jackie says other wise.

"It's ok Mrs.Kobe, Blake I'm sorry but I'm here to help you."

"Bullshit! I'm sorry but you're not here to help me, you just want to prevent another basket case."

What I said was true, I know she just wants me to stop feeling this way to prevent another suicidal teen from inevitably attempting/ killing themselves.

"That's not true," Dr.Spite sounds angry now "Blake I have decided based on everything that you, in fact, have bipolar depression. I will prescribe you with medication for it and we will need to meet once every two weeks."

I didn't answer myself but Jackie felt the need to end the silence as I stared out the window. "Thank you she'll see you then." She sounds less perky and energetic than before.

Dr.Spite didn't say it but I know that she wrote it down, I can read it from here; Blake Kobe: Diagnoses; bipolar depression, and borderline suicidal.

The car ride home was quiet and it's probably the longest I've ever been with my mother when she didn't say anything.

"How'd it go?" My dad spoke as we walked in the door but I could tell it wasn't to me as I ran to my room wanting to escape them both.

"It went terrible." She whispered as if I couldn't hear.

"Do we need to talk about it?" Kenny always wanted to talk.

"I think that she's done enough talking for now." That's one of the only things my mother will ever get right.

I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to talk to them. I didn't want to disappoint them any more. They didn't say it but I knew. I knew that they were disappointed that this happened; but it was inevitable. One of those things that most people go through and everybody's too afraid to talk about.

~

Have you ever been up at 2:00 in the morning just wanting to leave? Not just where you are, but your life? I mean if you could just pack a bag and leave out the door without anyone knowing and not leaving an explanation as to where you are or when or if you're coming back?

Because if that's an emotion I feel the fuck out of it. I constantly just list the pros and cons of that...

Pro~ I'll escape my life for a while.

Con~ I'll be looked for.

Pro~ I'll get out of going to school.

Con~ I'd miss assignments.

Pro~ it would be really easy as I have a car.

Con~ I don't have anyone to go with.

Frankly I think the pros out way the cons.

Con~ I'll be looked for~ I just don't get caught until I come home.

Con~I'd miss assignments~ It's just school.

Con~ I don't have anyone to go with~ I could find someone and if I didn't no big deal then it's just me.

I don't know where I'd go but anywhere but here. I can't stand Missouri ("Misery" as I prefer to call it) I don't know what it is, maybe it's because I've lived here my whole life or because everybody I know is here...