A Jacob Saggytits Story: Finding Eyebrows

The Quest

     Hi. My name is Jacob, here are some facts about me:
•I have a new single named "Sweatshirt" buy it on iTunes!
•I have a new album coming out named "Fuck Boi"
•I'm a piece of shit
  •I lost a good friend when I was a child :( his name was eyebrows, idk where he or they are but this story his how I plan on finding them.
      "You can wear my sweatshirt" " and you can tell your friends we'll be together til the end" I sang into the microphone at Magcon. My fellow fuck boi friend (Cameron Dallas) was along side me, dancing with his penis out and showing it to the 13 year old girl in the crowd.
  "You want this!" Cameron said, questioning the reason why the 13 year girl's mom covering her daughters eyes. As I finished singing my #50 single (iTunes) I start to look at everyone's eyebrows, it brought back many memories of my eyebrows that I never had.
Once I was brought back to my sweet sweet home at Magcon, I started researching. I put into the Google search bar "Jacob Saggytits eyebrow" what came up was my famousbirthday.com link. Duh. My daddy has eyebrows, my mom does too, my sister, and I don't. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR...but I'm not going down without a fight. Anyways, the first link on Google was a Craigslist ad for this guy who claims to know where my eyebrows are! I click on the link with excitement. After clicking on the links and seeing this boi's profile, he claims his name is Q'uan.