blue | a collection of tronnor oneshots

the concept

The concept is Troye, 16, sitting on his bed sobbing as his mother walks in.

"Tokky? What's the matter son?" He shifts, bringing his knees up to his runny nose.

"It's nothing."

"It's obviously something." She sits in front of him. "You can tell me anything I won't be angry."

Troye doubts that's true, because he's sure if he told her of the time he kissed that boy in San Diego that she'd be pretty upset, but he looks at her anyways. Ready to confide in her and get the motherly love he needs in the moment.

"I hate myself."

"Tro-"

"Please just listen. This isn't just teenage hormones mum. It's not about my appearance or my social statues this is much more."

"Okay. I'm listening."

"I...I don't want to be gay. In fact, I hate it so much. I hate that my people are dying, I hate that my friends are only my friends because I'm 'different' and 'trendy' like I'm some sort of walking, slightly breathing urban dictionary. I hate that you'll never have a normal son, I hate that I don't know what normal is. I hate that I disappoint you guys."

"Troye you don't disappoint us!"

"Don't lie mum I know I do. I know you want grandchildren, ones from a beautiful woman. I know you want me to get a steady job and stay in one place and own a white picket fence. And I hate that I can't give you that. I hate that my dream isn't to be a lawyer but something so far fetched as a 'singing career'. I want to be able to give you what you want.

I'm upset that those people in Orlando are dead. I hate that their friends and family will wake up to devastation. I hate that that could of been me, that that could of been someone I love. I'm scared that one day when I adopt a baby of my own that they'll be in constant danger because I hold their fathers hand in public. I hate that my back has a 'kick me I'm gay' sign constantly tapped to it. I want to be what people think of when they think normal, not when they see a rainbow. I hate the pride flag on my wall and I hate being apart of a community more at risk than terrorists.

And lastly, I hate that there's nothing I can do about it. I can't change who I am even if I wanted too. And it's this inevitable feeling of being stuck that makes me want to stop breathing. That makes me hate my every fiber of being."

The concept is Laurelle kissing her son and leaving to call Connor, his best friend, to try and talk him down from the high ledge of self hatred he's climbed up on.

Connor walks into Troyes bedroom where he lays on his side, tears dried on his ruby red checks. Troye looks up and his dried tears become fresh ones as he sits up and let's Connor tackle him into a hug.

"Baby boy..." He starts in a tone full of sadness and pity. "Your mom told me what you said."

"How embarrassing." Connor smiles lamely at Troyes attempt to lighten the mood.

"You know I love you right?"

"Yes."

"And that I'll always be here for you? I hate seeing you so upset. You don't deserve it." It's quiet after that as Connor lays on his back, Troye in his arms as he sniffles and contemplates life.

"Hey Connie?" He asks after a while and Connor looks down at him.

"Hmm?"

"Does God love me?"

"If he exists then imagine he does. Do you believe in him?"

"I don't know."

"Then why does it matter?"

"Because...Because if there is an after life then why would he decide I can't attend from the day I was born? Why am I not on the vip list? What did I do wrong?" Connor looks away, his fingers rubbing against Troyes tense skin.

"I don't know Tro. I don't have all the answers."

"I know. I just wish someone did."

The concept is fear, a feeling stirring in both boys as Troye battles self doubt and Connor tries to figure himself out.

"I know this night is about you but I need to say something." Troye moves to rest his elbows on Connors chest.

"Go ahead."

"I don't think I'm gay. In fact, I know I'm not." Troye tilts his head in confusion.

"I don't understand why you're telling me this."

"It's because...I think I'm in love with you."

"But you just said-"

"I know what I said. And I'm torn apart because I'm not gay and I'm in love with a boy."

Troye just stares back at Connor, his eyes wide and cautious.

"How do you know? Have you ever been in love before?"

"No I don't think so." Troyes eyes aren't judgmental or rejecting, in fact they're more curious than anything else.

"Hold on." He mutters, leaning in close. "Tell me how this is." And then he lightly pecks Connors lips.

"Barely felt it." He kisses him harder, longer with more passion he didn't even know he had.

"Now?"

"I want you to do it again." Troye sits up abruptly.

"You're in love with me."

"I'm in love with you." Both boys eyes are wide as they sit in front of each other, their hearts thumping wildly.

"You're...in love with me!"

"Why do you keep saying it?"

"This is so surreal. I've never even thought of you in that way. Now I can't get the feeling of your lips out of my head." Connor smiles.

"Reckon we could give this a try?"

"I don't see why not."

"Do you still hate yourself?"

"More than anything else." It's silent for a moment.

"Want to kiss me again?"

"Loads."
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idk it's 1 am