It's 12:50 and he's still on my mind. Last night he told me he couldn't do this anymore. Here I am sitting on my bathroom floor drinking vodka straight out of the bottle. I take another swish of it. It burns my throat but I'd rather feel physical pain than emotional pain. I set the bottle next to me on my blue and white linoleum floors as I'm leaning up against my cabinets. My face is stained with running mascara that has dried. I look at the bottle and I can feel the tears welding up again. I start to cry but this time it's sobbing. I miss him. It's finally hit me that he's gone. I take another big sip and finish it off all I'm left with is an empty bottle and an empty heart.
I woke up the next morning lying on my bathroom floor, my head is pounding. I rummage through the medicine cabinet and finally I found
some Advil. I pop two pills and start running a shower. I took a long hot shower trying to wash all my sorrows away. I dry myself off and put some clean clothes on. I remove the bottle from the floor and trash it. I walk in my room and check the time; it's almost noon. Following my usual routine I check to see if he's texted. In that moment I was looking foward to see a message from him but I had to remind myself that he gave up on me.
I decide to get out of the house and get some fresh air. I grabbed my keys off the little hooks we keep by the door. I hop in my silver Honda Pilot and start the car. I sit there for a minute unsure where to go. I don't want to be with anyone so I decide to go to my favorite spot. It's this hiking trail that has an amazing view of the mountains. Last Summer while I was up there I found a secluded trail next to a river. The river is lined with these huge boulders and I climb my favorite one. I just lie there staring at the trees moving in the breeze listening to the river. I rethink my life decisions hoping I can figure out where I went wrong. That's the thing about me, I can never let things go.
