The Journey - The College Years [One Direction Fanfic]

23

When we get to Lucy's house Lucy's mother opens the door. "Good evening, girls. Emma, Lucy and Vanessa are upstairs" she says and we nod. She doesn't seem to know about whatever happened. I am almost too afraid to step inside the room because I don't know what I will see there but I give Perrie an insecure look and open the door. "Hey" I mumble and sit down next to Vanessa on the floor. Emma is quiet, she's facing the wall. Lucy's eyes are bloodshot and Vanessa is speechless. Perrie and I quietly sit down next to them and for a few minutes we just sit there like that. I guess we're waiting for Emma to say something. "I lost the baby" she eventually says. Her voice is shaking. Perrie gasps and I feel like fainting. "No" I say. "No no no no" I repeat myself. This can't be true. I can't believe this is happening. "I felt like shit the past few days, even worse than usual. So Lucy and I" she starts to speak. "We went to the doctors this morning. And they… they told me that… my baby is…" she stops talking. I don't know why but I feel the anger grow. I am so mad and I don't even know why. Because the worst things always happen to the best people, I guess. Because the universe is an asshole. "Fucking shit" I mumble. I want to keep calm but I can't. I want to say something to comfort her but I know nothing will help. Emma nods and buries her head in Lucy's shoulder. "Why did it.. why did you lose it?" Vanessa finally asks. "I don't know. They did a few tests and told me they'd call me as soon as they have the results." She nods and fights hard to hold her tears back. "Hey girls I made you tea…" Lucy's mothers voice interrupts the silence. "Oh lord, what happened?" she then asks looking at Emma. Perrie, Vanessa and I decide to leave and let them talk to Lucy's mom alone. "We are leaving, if you need anything, call me" I say. "We love you" Vanessa adds and we walk outside. "Fucking shit" I say once again. Vanessa just nods. "I just don't get it" Perrie says. "Me neither. Let's go" I say and hug Vanessa goodbye before heading for my car with Perrie. We don't talk during the ride to her and Zayn's apartment. I feel like screaming. "Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow" Perrie mumbles as she gets out of the car in front of her flat. I nod and pull out of the parking space. 

When I get home my mother and Jeremy bombard me with questions about my first day of work. I don't feel like talking at all. "It was good. I'll just go to bed now I guess" I say and walk upstairs. I change into my pajamas and remove my makeup before snuggling into bed. Just when I'm about to doze off my mother steps inside. "What happened?" she asks as she sits down on the edge of my bed. I tell her about Emma and cry while my mom just holds me. My phone rings and my mother hands it to me. It's Harry. I don't want to answer because he will notice I am crying and he will worry about me and I don't want him to do that. "Maybe you should go see him" my mother suggests. I shake my head. I don't feel like seeing anyone except her. The reason I am so upset is because everything was going well the past few weeks and then this one thing had to mess everything up. Every time you're doing great the universe throws something bad at you. I feel selfish for crying because Emma has it worse than me so I eventually stop and close my eyes. 

When I wake up the next morning my eyes are swollen and I feel dizzy. It takes me a moment to realize what happened the other day. I get ready very slowly. I put on a pair of jeans and a thick sweater and a scarf because it is incredibly cold outside. Harry calls me once again on my way to work and this time I answer the phone. "Morning" I say. "Hey, how are you?" he asks. "Okay" I lie. I know he knows I am lying but I am glad that he doesn't ask any questions about it. He tells me he has to rush to work and that he will call me later before hanging up the phone. 

When I arrive at the office Jacky is already there, she hands me a USB stick and a coffee and sits down in front of me. "Kayla had to fly to Switzerland for a last minute meeting so you will have to do her work today, too. If that's too much for you just tell me and I will call her and tell her.." she babbles. "No, no. It's fine" I say just to shut her up. "I.. I am sorry" she now whispers with a sad expression. "No, I'm sorry. I am having a bad day" I apologize. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks and I shake my head. "Alright. I'll go talk to Grace, call me when you need something" she says and leaves my office. I start working and try to focus on nothing else so my mood doesn't drop even more. Three hours later I get up from my seat to go get myself a coffee. When I step inside the kitchen I spot Perrie sitting at the table. "Hey" I mumble. "Oh hi. I just got off the phone with Lucy" she says and I find myself being kinda jealous. Why didn't she call me? I know her longer than Perrie does. I push my thoughts to the side and ask her about the call. "She said that Emma is feeling better mentally but the pain is still there. They also told Emma's parents and they said that she can move back in with them." "Wow, that's rude" I answer angrily. "Yeah, she doesn't want to anyway" Perrie tells me. "I'm gonna go, Zayn is picking me up for lunch" she says and gets up from her seat. "Have fun. Oh and Perrie?" I ask. "Are you going to tell Zayn about it? Because I just don't know how to handle the situation." "Yeah, I will. I just need his comfort, you know?" she answers and I nod. "Bye" I say and walk back to my office with my mug filled with hot coffee. When I open the door to the little room Harry is standing next to the desk and stares out of the window. "Hey!" I greet him and walk up to him. He engulfs me in a warm hug and I rest my head on his chest. "I got lunch, thought you might be hungry" he says and I nod. I haven't eaten anything the whole day. He points at the carton on the desk. "Pizza" he explains. I chuckle and sit down. He takes a seat on the chair in front of me and opens the carton. "Why were you so sad on the phone this morning?" he asks. I debate whether to tell him or not and finally decide to tell him so I can get it off my chest. "Emma had a miscarriage" I say and his jaw drops. "What? Oh my, wow. Why?" he asks clearly upset. I shrug. "Oh man, that's tough. You should've told me, I would've stayed the night with you" he says and grabs my hand. I give him a smile. "Lucy says that she is in strong physical pain" I tell him. He doesn't say anything and I can't blame him. "Let's eat" I eventually say and he nods. Thirty minutes later Harry leaves for work and I return to my work. When I am about to leave the office in the late afternoon Jacky steps inside my office and picks up the USB stick. "Kayla is staying in Vienna longer than planned and there's a meeting she was supposed to attend to tomorrow. You will have to go there. I wrote the address into your schedule" she tells me. "Thanks a lot" I answer. "Have a nice evening" I say and leave. When I step outside the building I feel way better than I did when I stepped inside this morning. I call Harry and ask him what he is up to. "Chillin' with Lux. Join us?" he suggests. "Alright, I'll be there in a bit." I get inside my car and turn up the music as I make my way to my boyfriends house. I almost miss the sound of my phone ringing because the sound is too loud. Niall's number blinks up on the display. "Hey" I say. "Hey, Vanessa told us about Emma" he says. "Yeah, it's horrible." "Yeah, we visited her today" he says. I can't help but smile at the fact that he includes Louis in everything he says. "She is feeling miserable. How are you doing?" "Okay, I'm on my way to Harry's place. Just got off work." "Really? How is it?" he asks. "Great, I really like it." "That's nice to hear. Uhm, I've got to go." "Alright, bye" I say and hang up the phone and shove it back into my purse. 

When I get to Harry's house Anne opens the door. "Hello Lindsay! How are you?" she asks. People always ask how you're doing when you're not sure about it yourself. "Fine, what about you?" "Oh I couldn't be better! Harry and Lux are in the living room" she tells me. "Lindsay!" Lux screams when she sees me step inside. Harry is wearing sweatpants and a shirt and his hair is wet from the shower. His little sister is sitting on his lap and the TV is on. It's a lovely scenario, really. "Hey guys" I say and join them on the couch. "What are you watching?" I ask and kiss Harry on the cheek. "Barbie and Ken are getting married! Just like Mommy and Robin!" she explains and her eyes light up. "Are you going to marry my brother?" she suddenly asks. I am caught off guard so I just shift awkwardly and laugh. Lux doesn't ask any other questions and we watch TV until Robin steps inside the room and tells us food is ready. "Good evening, Lindsay" he says when he sees me. We sit down in the kitchen and Anne hands each of us a little bowl with soup. Suddenly a thunder resounds and rain starts pouring down from the sky. "Lindsay, I had an idea this morning. We could all celebrate christmas together. Your mother, her husband and you could come over here! What do you think?" she asks. I look at Harry who is blushing. This was obviously his idea. "Sounds good, I will ask my mother" I answer smiling. "I will buy you a present" Lux announces and everyone laughs. I suddenly feel Harrys hand on my thigh. I look at him and he smirks. 

After dinner Harry and I walk upstairs to his room. "I almost couldn't hold myself downstairs" he growls as he starts kissing me everywhere. I relax as soon as he touches me. "I love you" he whispers as he pulls my pants down.

Thirty minutes later I put my clothes back on. "Why don't your stay the night?" Harry asks lying in bed with nothing but the blanket over his body. "I can't. I have an important meeting tomorrow" I answer even though it's very tempting. "Look at you, business lady!" he says laughing. "Goodbye" I say and kiss him before leaving his room. 

When I get home it's very late and my mother and Jeremy are already asleep so I quietly sneak into my room and go to bed. Exhaustion knocks me out pretty fast and I doze off in a heartbeat. When I wake up the next morning it's incredibly cold in my room and I realize I've slept with the windows open. Great, I think to myself and close them as a cough escapes my mouth. After putting on my most professional looking clothes I make myself a coffee and a bowl of granola. "Good morning" Jeremy's voice booms through the kitchen. "Morning" I mumble. "So your mother and I were talking about christmas. We were thinking about flying somewhere warm" he says. "On Christmas?" I ask. Why would you fly somewhere hot when Christmas is all about snow? "Yeah, the Bahamas perhaps" my mother joins us. "Well Anne invited us over to their house for Christmas but if you guys are going on holiday, I'll spend a few days at Harry's" I decide. "What do you mean? You're not going to spend Christmas with us?" my mother asks disappointed. I shake my head. For some reason I get mad at them for determining things for me. "Well… that's sad. Are you sure?" she asks. I nod. "Well, I can understand you want to stay with Harry. Just remember… it might not stay like this forever and you shouldn't depend on Harry so much" my mother says. What does she mean? Is she trying to tell me Harry and I don't have a serious relationship?; I think to myself and feel the anger growing. "Uhm, you know, Mum. Just because your first relationship didn't turn out good doesn't mean mine doesn't, either" I snap and immediately regret it. I see the sadness in her look and Jeremy speaks up but my mother stops him. "Jeremy, could you please leave us alone for a minute?" He nods and leaves the room. "Lindsay.. what was that?" she asks angrily. "I'm sorry. I just didn't like the way you treated me like a little child." "I didn't mean to, I just…" I sigh. "It's okay. Just let it go" I say and look at the clock. I'm gonna be late for the meeting. "Gotta go" I babble and leave the house.