The Fall of My First and Last Tears

The Fall

Drop Drop Drop

One thing that everyone has or will experience is the feeling of tears falling, maybe the loss of a loved one or the loss of your way in life but for me it was a bit different.

As a toddler I never cried, that I know because my parents always used to tell me that when I was 7 years old I always wondered how it was to cry, the feeling of being so overwhelmed by something that tears just start dropping out of your eyes. To be honest the thought of it chased me for a lot of years why? How? Am I different from the others? Why can't I cry? Is it possible for a man not to be able to feel sad, maybe I never felt happy does that mean I wasn't able to feel sadness at all, you can't be down if you have never been down is what they say, but who knows...

As time flows, I reached my early twenties, that's when I met an astonishing woman who evently became my wife.

A lot happened and with the pass of the years, I was living a great life till the day has come for one of my loved ones to die, right before my eyes. It happened in the hospital, sadly it was my dad, he has been sick for over a year then, the cause of it was lung cancer. One day he just had a fever and it got worse from then on, the months went on as he changed, but even so on his deathbed he cared for me he wished the best for me, that's an unforgettable memory. After a few hours being surrounded by his loved ones, had the time come for him to leave as he took his last breath. The family members and friends started crying hysterically while I just stood there, I felt weird I really thought I'm different, my wife hugged me to comfort me but, I didn't feel unstable mentally then, physicly I was exhausted seeing him for the last 3 hours was not something to drink tea with. After arriving home I instantly went to my bed but, I could not sleep. All I did was think I don't remember what exacly.

With that I started changing everyday a bit by bit, my view of life especially and in a year I changed so much, a wish of mine would be to show him how much I changed, that is one of the greatest desire of mine. But it's something that won't happen, so I decided to show the better of myself to the world. Decades pass as more friends and family members start leaving before me, with every death my view changes. Till it was finally my turn with my last moments seeing all my lasting friends, wife, children and grand children I thought of my father.

"Aah this is how it is to be loved."

Is what I came up to me, you really get to know these things when it's time for you to leave. I said as much I was able to with the short breathes I have left to my loved ones. Saying how I love them, how life gets better, that you can achieve so much in life and much much more. While saying that for the first time, I was crying. It had an odd feeling, but not something uncomfortable, with that I kept a bright smile while crying, showing to the younger generation that death is something to accept and not to entangle you in the past. I said my last words with my last breath.

"Father I know how you feel now."

I saw a bright light in front of me, but that's not all I see, there right in front of me  stood those I knew, the people who left before me waiting for me, yes... I was finally able to be a part of the life cycle. 

Note: I dedicate this story to my father.