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Cheese Fries and A Good Time

Beyoncé was performing at the half time show, when she saw Bob. She saw him sloppily eating a hotdog and knew that it was love at first sight. When she saw him trying to lick the mustard that was dribbling down his leg, she simply lost it and leapt from the stage.

Nothing could have prepared Bob Duncan for what was about to happen. As he sat, scarfing the hotdog down, Beyoncé pounced on him. 3 billion dollar pearls clattered off her dress as she sensually licked the ketchup off his hot dog. The immense shock left Bob at a loss for words and all he could say was the one thing he had memorized by heart- the transcript to the FitnessGram™ Pacer Test. But when Beyonce continued to devour the creamy mayonnaise on Bob's hot dog, the pacer test wasn't the only thing getting progressively harder.

Suddenly, Bob felt his brain go boom- and not in a good way. "GO AWAY YOU CRUSTY OLD BAGEL, BEYONCÉ IS MINE!!!!1!1!1" Freddie Benson screamed. as he attempted to tackle Bob Duncan out of his cozy stadium seat and onto the soda-covered, popcorn-infested concrete floor. But as Bob felt his chances with Beyoncé slipping away like a greased pig on a buttered pole, he heard a voice in this distance. "Jesús, is that you? PLEASE LET ME GO TO HEAVEN IM A GOOD PERSON, IMPALING CHARLIE WITH A 50 FOOT FORK WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT I SWEAR!!!" Bob desperately cried.

"THIS IS SHIA LEBOUF YOU FOOL!!" "ohhhh sorry" Bob muttered. "Don't let your dreams be dreams, Bobby! FIGHT HIM! TAKE HIM BY HIS NECK AND SWING HIM AROUND LIKE A WET RAG. JUST DO IT!!!"

And that's exactly what Bob Duncan did. He swung Freddie so fast that when he let go, Freddie went flying off into the sky, never to be seen again. Bob leaped into the air, screaming with pride. But then Bob remembered that Beyoncé was caught up in the fight too and turned around so fast that he got whiplash. "MY NECK" Bob cried out. "MY BACK, LICK MY-" "BEYONCÉ YOURE ALIVE!!!!" Bob yelled, glad that his accidental song lyrics had helped him find his precious Be-Be.

    "Yeah i've been standing here for like 5 minutes watching you fight Freddie and do celebratory dances. So what do you wanna do know?" Beyoncé said.

    "Wanna... CUM to my house?" Bob sexily whispered.

    "Sure, but first you gotta get me some cheese fries. I loooooove cheese fries."
 
  "K Bey."

    After stuggling to find cheese fries and spending 13 hours riding on Bob's crusty tricycle, Beyoncé and Bob had finally arrived at the Duncan household. Or should i say, huthold. Like Bob literally lives in an ugly cardboard hut along with his wife and three hundred kids.

He took Be-Be into the 666 by 666 hut to cook up his world famous cheese fries. These delectable potatoes were so filled with butter and grease that Paula Dean would even be jealous.

As Bob was deep-frying the fries, he felt a tingly sensation go up his arm. "Ooh Be-Be, yeaahhh," he moaned a little too loudly.

"B-b-but daddy," the voice whispered.

"Oh call me that please please call me that, lamp lips," he murmured.

Bob Duncan turned to gaze at his beautiful side-boo, but disappointingly, his eyes fell upon his ugly spider daughter. Her name was Minerva or something, he didn't really know or care. He swatted her nasty dumpling body and watched as she fell off "Daddy's" arm and into the deep fryer.

"Oh well," Bob started, "At least this mistake will add an extra zing to the fries!"

Bob worked diligently at the 1953 kitchen counter until the food was deep-fried and cheesed up to perfection. "Hey Bey the cheese fries are ready" hollered Bob.
     "Mmmmhhhmm i cant wait to eat these- holy hares on a Hershey's bar Bob you're so sweaty! and delectable " Beyoncé replied. While raking her eyes over his sweaty and wimpy form, Beyoncé's lust filled gaze burned holes through Bob Duncan's $5 camouflage tee from Walmart. Literally.

    "AAAAAAAHHH MY SHIRT IS ON FIRE!!!" Bob screamed while clutching his side in agony. "IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I HAD SUCH A GREAT LIFE AHEAD OF ME!!! I COULD'VE WENT SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS IN HAWAII! OR FINALLY SET FOOT IN THE LEGENDARY GUCCI STORE OF MY DREAMS! I COULD HAVE WENT TO THE MOON! I COULDVE MET AN ALIEN! I COULD'VE-"

    "BOB SLOW DOWN-"

   "grab the wall, wiggle like youre gonna make that"

   "NO BOB JUST STOP DROP AND ROLL CMON YOURE GONNA BE INCINERATED IF YOU DON'T HURRY!!" But Beyoncé was too late. While Bob had been wiggling like he was gonna make that ass fall off, the flames from his shirt had spread completely over his body and given him 66th degree burns. "B-Bob.... no." Beyoncé weakly whimpered before falling on the floor in an elaborate yoga position of utter despair and agony. Beyoncé was too late. Bob was gone.