"Yesterday, i've watched the kids playing just under that big old mango tree we used to play at since we were kids. I smiled as I reminisced our happy memories we've spent there.." I kissed her hand and she looked at me. But she didn't said anything as she turned her gaze to where she was looking at kanina. I decided to continue ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. I still knelt beside her.
"Remember those days when you would ask me to climb that tree para pumitas ng mga mangga. You would pinpoint the ones you wanted to eat and you would spread the skirt of your dress on your arms to catch the ones I would fall. Nagagalit ka sa akin kapag hindi mo nasasalo yung hinuhulog kong mga mangga. Foolish girl, ikaw yung sumasalo tapos sa akin ka magagalit. Tinatawanan na lang kita noon. Pagkatapos noon ay kinakain natin ito under the shade of the mango tree and I love the way your face crinkles when you ate a sour mango." She still look at where she was looking. She didn't bother to take even a glance at me as I talk.
"Remember when we put an old tire in one of the branches of that tree as a swing. Then when I let you try it out first at ako yung tutulak the moment I pushed you ay napigtas yung taling nakakabit dun sa gulong at sanga kaya bumagsak yung pwet mo sa lupa. I was afraid that you would cry sa sobrang lakas ng pagkakabagsak mo but instead you broke into a loud laugh. You were always that strong lady I knew. Madapa man o mauntog tayo, you would always be the first one to break into that loud laugh of yours. We would always laugh out the pain. Sana nga naririnig ko pa yung mga tawang yun kasi miss na miss ko na yun and I badly need it. We, I guess badly needs it.." I took a deep breath as I spoke again. "We would hunt for spiders sa punong 'yun. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit pati 'yun ay nagagawa mo. Most girls are afraid of spiders pero ikaw sinasamahan mo pa ako maghanap and we would let it fight at magpupustahan pa tayo.. You were such a carefree child. Your uncombed long hair would sometimes have small twigs hanging dahil sa kakaakyat natin sa punong 'yun. Even though naka dress ka lagi because your mom insists you to, you were so always giddy and magalaw. We didn't just played there pero dun din tayo gumagawa ng mga homeworks natin." I took her hand in mine.
"Remember when I stared at your face while you were trying to solve that math problem in Trigonometry. I felt something that day. I've realized something that day under that mango tree. I realized that you were the one I have already fallen in love to. And that maybe I have already loved you before pero ngayon ko lang na realize. We were sixteen that time.. Too young to fall in love pero at that moment siguradong sigurado na ako sa nararamdaman ko sayo. Bigla ko na lang natanong sayo, "Pwede ba ako manligaw sayo?" You shot a shocked look at me. Tapos bigla mong hinampas sa ulo ko yung libro mong hawak. I guess, you didn't want to. Kaya nanahimik ako at tumingin sa kalayuan. Hiyang hiya talaga ako sa ginawa ko noon. "Oh ba't hindi ka kumikibo?" You asked me. Humarap ako sayo, confused. "Ayaw mo eh. Hinampas mo kaya yung libro sa akin." I replied confidently pero deep down nanginginig ako sa hiya. Nginitian mo ako. "Nabigla lang naman kasi ako." Mas lalo akong naguluhan noon pero I need to ask you so I did. Then you told me, "Kahit nga hindi na." you said with a sly smile. Parang sasabog yung puso ko nang marinig ko yun. I even asked you if you're serious and suddenly you kissed me. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. My heart was like booming with different colors of big fireworks. Then you whispered in my ear, "Sa tingin mo hindi seryoso yun? I'm damn serious. I trust you that much, Troye." For me that was sort of a heavy responsibility. Since then I was so afraid of breaking that trust. I was always scared of hurting you kaya iniwasan ko yung mga bagay na alam kong masasaktan kita and to even lose you would be a freaking hell. But pain is inevitable they say. Alam kong nasasaktan ka kahit hindi mo pinapahalata. Remember those times na I couldn't be with you under that mango tree dahil busy ako sa school even though I promised to be with you and hindi tayo makapag celebrate ng anniversaries dahil din sa hectic ang schedule ko for being an achiever in our school. I have failed you a lot of times but you have been very understanding. You were never demanding and an attention seeker. You can be clingy kapag magkasama tayo and I would always love it. Remember when you would hold my pinky finger with yours? Like this oh. You were always like a little child in many ways." I hooked my pinky finger with hers but she didn't looked at me.
"Remember when we carved our intials inside a heart in that mango tree and minsan pinagmamasdan lang natin ito to past the time. Remember those times under that mango tree where we built our dreams. We promised to achieve all our dreams. You would be the best pediatrician while I'll be the best psychologist and hindi tayo maghihiwalay. We will be married and live near that mango tree. We would let our kids play there and we will spend our last days together under the shade of that tree. And every summer after our college days, binibisita pa din natin ang punong 'yun. Inaakyat pa din natin yun at pumipitas tayo ng mga mangga. Remember whenever we're there, we are lock in our own world. Parang tayo lang ang nag e-exist sa mundong ito. Only our love was what's keeping us alive and happy. Do you remember that feeling? Do you still remember how you once loved me? How you once kissed me and embraced me with a warmth I always longed for? 'Cause I still do. And I still want to marry you. I still want to have kids with you. I still want to have our house near that tree and I still want to spend my last days with you under that tree.." I couldn't take it anymore. My tears fell as I took her hand close to my face. "I miss you, Stacia.. So much.." I said, my voice faltering.
"Sana dumating pa din ako.. Sana hindi kita hinayaang mag-isa dun.. Maybe if I came, hindi ka nagahasa ng demonyong 'yun.. I'm sorry your knight in shining armour couldn't protect you.." I hugged her while my tears fell. "Sana hindi ka nagkaganito.. Edi sana we're happily married na. We already have kids and nakatira na tayo sa bahay natin malapit sa punong 'yun. I'm sorry.. This is all my fault, I know. Dahil sa akin, pareho tayong nasasaktan. I'm sorry Stacia.." Umupo na ako sa tabi niya and wiped my tears. "Sana napagtatawanan pa rin natin ngayon yung sakit diba?"
Kinuha ko ulit yung kamay niya at mahigpit na hinawakan ito. "I'm a psychologist already and I've treated many people na, Stacia. Pero ikaw, hindi ko magamot gamot. Napaka unfair ng mundo diba? Pero kung hindi ka man gumaling, it's okay. I still love you, Stacia. I'm still in love with you. And hindi kita susukuan, ever." I kissed the top of her head and laid my head on her shoulder.
I admit, kasalanan ko naman talaga ang nangyari sa kanya. I promised to meet her under that mango tree nang biglang tinawagan ako ng professor ko dahil may mali daw sa thesis paper ko kaya pumunta ako ng school noon. I couldn't text her dahil naiwan ko yung phone ko sa bahay sa sobrang pagmamadali ko makapunta sa school kasi gusto kong matapos ko kagad yung thesis ko para mapuntahan ko din siya kagad. Pero inabot ako ng gabi sa school dahil kailangan kong ulitin from the start yung thesis ko kaya hindi ko siya napuntahan. Until pagdating ko sa bahay the next day ay nandun ang mama niya. She immediately gave me a slap. Nagulat naman ako. Dun ko nalaman na nagahasa siya at ako ang sinisisi ng mama niya. I wanted to see her pero ayaw ng mama niya. She was always kept away from me. Napagdesisyonan na ni Mama na magpakalayo layo kami. Naisip ko din noon na mas makakabuti 'to para sa kanya dahil makakalimutan mo niya ako at madali niyang maipapatuloy ang buhay niya kung wala ako. Akong naging rason kung bakit nangyari 'yun sa kanya. After 10 years, bumalik ako. Nalaman kong she suffered a severe depression that has caused her to have dementia. Nalaman kong hinanap hanap niya ako and akala niya iniwan ko siya because of what had happened to her. She thought that I don't love her anymore kaya iniwan ko siya. It was all written on her diary. But she's wrong in a way. Because I still love her at hindi nagbago yun through the years. Pinilit ko mang kalimutan siya at i-let go siya, pero wala talaga. I tried dating other girls pero siya talaga ang mahal ko. Hindi ako kagad bumalik dito kasi I thought she's living a good life. I thought na nakapag asawa na siya at mayroon na siyang mga anak. But when I found out na nagkaganito na siya, dali-dali akong bumalik.
It hurts so much to see the one you loved who was a cheerful and bright being turned into a gloomy and a lifeless individual. Mas masakit lalo na kapag alam mong ikaw pa ang may kasalanan kung bakit siya nagkaganyan.
"Troye.."
My heart jumped when I heard her call my name. I faced her directly. There were tears on her eyes as she look at me.
"I remember now.." she said, her hand reaching for me.
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Author's note:
Hi :) Comment down your feels guys! Thanks for reading! ❤😘
