Man Up (A Brendon Urie/Brallon Fanfiction)

Chapter 3

If you love me, let me go.

Brendon's PoV

I lay still in the dark bunk room, feeling like knives are digging into my back. Audrey is there, even in my dreams, chasing me and hurting me. When I wake up with a start the nightmare doesn't stop, because she's there, in my arms, holding me too tightly, making sure I never run away. I lay awake in fear, feeling the world spinning and my heart drumming in my ears. Soon, this tour will be over. Soon, I'll have to go back home with her, where everything is much worse. Where she chains me up, for whole days at a time, so I can never run away. Where I walk around the house in my boxers and nothing else because that's all I'm allowed. I'm not around as many people, she gets away with much more.

"Brendon! Did you go to bed— oh, yeah, looks like you did. Huh. Cute."

I slam my eyes closed. It's Dallon. I hear a creak on the bunk opposite us. I squint for a second and see him sitting, staring at us with an unreadable expression on his face. Audrey is fast asleep. I want nothing more than to jump to safety, to open my mouth and shout at him to help me. He sighs.

"I wish you weren't with her sometimes. You're not the same anymore, buddy." He mutters quietly, and I hear him sigh and shift position. "It's like you never want to hang out with us at all, and when you do, she's always with you."

My heart drums louder, and I catch my sob in my throat. If only he knew. He sighs, and I hear the bed creak as he gets up and disappears again.

I think about Audrey and I. Where we went wrong. How many mistakes I had to make to get here.

Eventually, after a lot of silent crying and shaking, I feel sleep begin to pull at me.

I'm in too much pain to move. Everything stings and burns and I can't breathe. The room is full of thick smoke, filling my lungs and choking me into silence. The flames lick around my exposed, motionless limbs, burning them to nothing. A tear slips down the side of my face as I wait to slip into unconsciousness.

I jerk awake.

That felt so real, the heat, everything. It must be the middle of the night. I can hear light snoring all around me. I pull away from Audrey, feel her start awake, and in her ear I whisper: "I'm just going to the toilet."

I stumble into the tiny bathroom and shut it behind me. I lean against the sink and stare at my tired reflection.

"C'mon, Brendon, you can do this..." I mutter to myself, running a little water and splashing it in my face. I stare into my own sunken eyes in disappointment.

Fuck, I hate myself.