Part Nine: The New Jonnor:
The next morning, the brothers and Brandey all sit together at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Gerald and Susan cook pancakes together at the stove. "Why are you all so quiet?" Susan innocently wonders.
Lindsay, who had just woken up, enters the room with a bandage around her head, due to Brandey pushing her into a nearby dresser and causing her to crack her head open, last night.
The nurse that Sam had talked to two times earlier, from the last two visits, whispered to him "Are you and that boy finally dating, yet?"
"Yes" he whispered back.
"YAS!!!!!"
"But I kinda lied to him about the size of my..." He trailed off. "Ding dong" he whispered the words. "Ooh. Damn. Enjoy it while it lasts, kid."
"But wait! Is there any way you can perform some kind of surgery-?" But the nurse had walked away.
"How you feeling, dear?" Susan kindly asks Lindsay. "Awful." She glares at Brandey.
"Hey! It's not MY fault you sucked my lover's sausage" Brandey snaps.
"How was it?" Susan asks. "Mom!" Brandey yells.
"Speaking of sausage" Gerald smiles, serving them a big plate of sausage links. "Thanks daddy" Brandey smiles. "He's not your only daddy" Dean flirts. Brandey giggles, as Sam cringes.
Lindsay takes one, starting to suck on it like she sucked Dean's member. She looks straight into his eyes, causing him to shiver. He gets chills down his spine. "Lindsay, is it that time of your pregnancy where you're horny as fuck?" Brandey asks specifically. "I'm pretty sure that's the eighth month" Sam corrects. "It must be kicking in early. Go away, slut." Brandey insults. "Bitch!" Lindsay yells, throwing the sausage in her face.
"Girls, girls! Stop!" Yells Susan frantically. "I'm sorry. I'm just broken-hearted because my polish boyfriend broke up with me last night." Lindsay apologizes.
"You had a polish boyfriend?" Brandey asks.
"His name was Adok. He broke it off after I sent him pics of my pussy."
Gerald gasps in anger. "Lindsay! How dare you get a cat without telling us!!!" He scolds.
"Fuck off, Dad" she mutters, walking out of the room.
"But Lindsay! Wait! Your medication!" Susan calls out. "Just put it in her Lucky Charms" Brandey states.
Morning beautiful Brendan texts Sam. After reading it, he blushes, texting back hey you.
You wanna go out tonight? Brendan texts him back almost instantly.
Sam freezes, his eyes widening. Yeah! What would you like to do, exactly? He sweats as he sends it.
Whatever you want.
Sam starts to hyperventilate.
"Sam? What the fuck?" Dean asks. "Did your boyfriend find out that your mega sausage isn't actually mega sausage?" Brandey adds on.
"I think he wants to hook up" Sam whispers anxiously, running his hands through his hair.
"Aw! My brother's gonna finally lose his virginity. I'm so proud!" Dean smiles, wiping his tears of joy.
"No! He's gonna see my penis for what it really is: average."
"Sam, if he can't accept your penis for its actual size, then he's not worth it" Dean motivates. "Yeah!" Brandey yells.
Sam sighs, before texting him back.
We can see a movie. He decides to erase it, considering Brendan could try to get it on with him in the back.
We can go out to eat, wherever you'd like he sends.
Okay! My Mom gave me enough money for Denny's.
Sounds cool! See you then 😍😍😍😍😍💞😭😍😍😭😍😍😭😭😍😍😭😍😍😍😍
"Kill yourself" Brandey tells him, seeing all the emojis he had put.
"Brandey, you send me emojis all the time" Dean tells her.
"Sexy ones, though."
Brendan texts back. Grinning, Sam reads it.
🙉🙉🙉 QUACK 🙉🙉🙉
🙊🙊🙊QUACK 🙊🙊🙊
"I don't think his Mom is the only one who needs therapy..." Dean mutters.
"Shut up. I accept Brendan for who he is. No matter how strong his duck fetish is" Sam tells them proudly.
"What if he makes you dress up as a duck when you guys do the dirty?" Brandey asks. Sam starts to choke on his sausage.
"Look! A sneak preview!" Dean smiles, before stopping Sam from dying.
Brandey laughs obnoxiously.
I have a surprise for you tonight. Here's a hint: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆 Brendan texts him.
Sam screams.
That night, Sam frantically knocks on the door of Brendan's home. "Brendan! That strange boy is here for you!!" His mother yells to Brendan, after she flings the door open, scaring Sam. Brendan runs downstairs, holding a Harris teeter bag. "Ready for Denny's?" He smiles. "Yup...!"
Brendan's duck, waddles downstairs obnoxiously quacking. "FUCK OFF, QUACKLES, MY DATE IS HERE!!!" Brendan yells, before joining Sam on the porch and slamming the door closed.
"Bring me back a vibrator!" They hear his mom yell to them.
"Shall we?" Brendan asks, linking his arm with Sam's.
"So what's this 'surprise' you have for me...?" Sam asks nervously, as they're walking to Denny's. "Oh. Yeah." They stop walking. Brendan reaches for his own jean zipper, making Sam flinch.
"Sorry. My zipper's stuck." After adjusting it, Brendan takes an eggplant out of the Harris teeter bag, handing it to Sam.
"Ta-da!" He smiles. "Oh...! THAT'S what you meant!" Sam smiles, chuckling.
"Yup! So what are you thinking of getting-"
Sam takes a bite of the eggplant, and starts to wheeze, now sweating uncontrollably.
"Are you allergic?!" Brendan yells.
"A-p-p-parently" Sam wheezes. "Don't worry! I'll save you!" He fiercely whistles, signaling Quackles. He runs through the doggy door, running all the way over to them. They get on his back, and he speedily leads them all the way to the hospital.
"Back AGAIN?" The same nurse asks them, as Brendan drags Sam into the waiting room of the hospital. "He's allergic to eggplant" he states, as Sam continues to struggle breathing. "For the love of Jesus" the nurse whispers, rolling her eyes and taking out a random needle.
Sam gasps, once she sticks it into his ass. "You saved my life!" He tells her.
"Yeah yeah, whatever. What happened THIS time?"
"I'm allergic to eggplant, apparently."
"Oh good. I thought he found out your dick is actually average sized."
Sam glares at her.
"What...?" Brendan asks. "Uh, I-"
"Sam you can tell me anything."
"I kinda...uh-"
"Just spit it out!"
"I PHOTO SHOPPED MY DICK, OKAY?!"
Everyone else in the waiting room stares at them. "Maybe we should go outside..." He suggests.
"Why would you think you would have to do that?" Brendan asks Sam, the two of them now standing outside the hospital.
"I dunno...I'm just...average, I guess."
"I'll be the judge of that."
They both obnoxiously laugh, pointing to each other.
"But I have something to confess, too...the reason I didn't send one was because I was...embarrassed...about my..."
"Size?"
"Oh no I'm huge. I haven't exactly 'shaved' down there yet, and I didn't want you to get grossed out by the hair."
"Oh, Brendan come on it's totally normal to have-"
Brendan pulls down his pants, revealing his member that has so much hair that you can't even SEE it, making Sam shriek like a girl.
"See?" Brendan asks.
"Mommy! That boy is part gorilla!" They hear a little girl yell.
Brendan quickly pulls his pants back up, blushing. "Come on, let's go" Sam smiles, taking his hand. "I like you for you. So what if your ding a ling is hairy. Or you have a strange interest in ducks. Speaking of that, where's Quackles?"
"QUAAAAAAACK!" They hear him scream, before getting hit by a car.
"NO!!!!" Brendan shouts, he and Sam running over to Quackles now almost lifeless body on the road, the car speeding away.
"Quackles! Say something!" Brendan cries out.
"Quack...quack..." They wheeze out, before dying. "NO!!!!" Brendan shouts, looking up at the sky. "I think we should have a funeral..." Sam shyly admits.
"Sam, can I say something to you?"
"Of course, beautiful."
"There's still a needle in your ass."
"You were staring at my ass?"
Back at Brendan's house in his bathroom, they attempt to flush Quackles down the toilet, only for it to overflow.
"DAMMIT!!!" Brendan screams.
"What are you fags doing?" His mom asks, barging into the room.
"Quackles died" Brendan sadly admits.
"Oh, thank Jesus, Buddha, and Allah. Finally!" She leaves the room.
Sam sighs. "It's okay." Sam brings him in for a hug. "I lost my mom when I was six months old."
"Sam, that's not relatable at all..."
Sam gasps, smiling "I have an idea!" "What?" Brendan pulls away from the hug and looks at him.
"I know how we can revive Quackles."
"I'll give him mouth to mouth."
"I was thinking something a little different."
"Hey guys!" Cas smiles to them, entering the bathroom. "So what movie should we watch? I was thinking maybe-"
"Um, Cas?" Sam asks.
"Yeah?"
"We kinda only have you hear so you can revive Brendan's duck."
Cas stares at them. With a quick snap of his fingers, Quackles comes back to life, quacking happily as he swims in the toilet.
"Oh my gosh thank you so much Cas-!"
He snaps his fingers again, making Quackles bite Brendan in the ass.
"YOWZA!"
"I hope you guys give each other AIDS" says Cas, before flying through the roof.
"BRENDAN!!!!!" His mom shouts.
Brandey took Lindsay out for frozen yogurt, Dean is getting the impala washed, and Gerald and Susan are pet sitting for their relative.
"We're alone" Sam smiles, as they enter the Weaver house, closing the door. "Yeah..."
They instantly start to kiss, but after a few seconds, Brendan pulls away and asks "What if we DO give each other AIDS like Castiel said?"
"Well, we don't have to do 'that', but we can still do other stuff" Sam suggests.
"Okay! But, do you mind if I shave in the bathroom?"
"Take all the time you need."
Almost an hour later, Sam bangs on the bathroom door. "Brendan, instead of banging on this door I should be banging YOU! What's going on?!"
He hears a sharp cut, and Brendan scream.
"I THINK I JUST GOT MY PERIOD!"
Brendan had accidentally cut his dick open after only shaving half of the hair off, causing it to bleed severely. Now wrapped in a bandage, he and Sam sit on the couch, awkward silence between them.
"You know, maybe I can lick the blood off" Sam flirts, smirking.
"That's nauseating."
"Sorry. Growing up in the hunting lifestyle has caused some weird fetishes of mine."
Brendan laughs. They begin to cuddle, Sam resting his head on Brendan's chest.
"I'm really glad you were here for me tonight. Quackles dying, Quackles coming back to life..."
"Thanks for taking me to the hospital. And accepting me for my...size."
"Of course. I like you for who you are on the inside, Sammy. Not what you look like on the outside. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're still hot, but-" They laugh.
"But really though I think you're overreacting. Lemme see it."
"I dunno..." Sam blushes.
"Oh, come on. I won't poke at it. Promise."
Sam sighs. "Okay." They stand up, Sam pulling his pants down.
"Oh God. Am I really that small?" Sam asks, after Brendan hasn't said anything for a few seconds.
"You're hairless...I wish I was hairless."
"Oh. Well on a scale of one to ten-"
"I want to suck it."
It stands up, as Sam's eyes widen.
"I'd like that."
"What if it doesn't taste good?"
"Just pretend it's a Popsicle."
"The ones with the jokes on the back of the sticks?"
"There's the spirit" Sam motivates.
Brendan starts to suck.
After Sam moans only one time, John climbs through the window.
"AH!" Sam yells, pulling his dong out of Brendan's mouth and pulling his pants up.
"Is my tongue too sharp?!" Brendan asks, before noticing John.
"Oh. H-hello sir. Uh we were just-"
"I don't care. Is there beer here?" "Dad, leave" Sam snaps.
"No."
"Brendan show him your dick."
"Um...okay." Brendan unzips his pants. John scoffs. "Yeah, right. You think a jizz machine is gonna-AHHHH!!! GORILLA! GORILLA!!!" He shouts, instantly climbing back out the window.
Sam sighs. "Does my dick really look like like a gorilla?" Brendan asks unconsciously.
"Your dick is beautiful."
Brendan wipes sudden happy tears.
"Thank you so much. Your dick tastes like mashed potatoes."
"Really?"
"Nah I'm just messin' with ya. Oatmeal."
They cackle and point to each other again, just as Brandey, Dean, Lindsay, Gerald and Susan return. "We're back!" Susan beams.
"Baby is washed!" Dean smiles.
"My frozen yogurt gave me an orgasm" Lindsay states. "I watched!" Smiles Brandey.
"Good...!" Sam forces a smile. "Hey Brendan" Dean says. "Hey I was not sucking your brothers member if that's what you were thinking-" Sam covers his mouth. "He's joking." He says, before taking his hand away. "Why's the window open?" Gerald asks. "Dad tried coming in."
"God damn-DAD!" Dean yells, he and the others stomping upstairs.
"That was close" Sam tells Brendan.
"Yeah. Sorry I'm such a bad liar."
"It's okay. You're lucky you're cute" Sam flirts.
"Shut up" Brendan laughs, before Sam kisses him.
Causing them to break apart, Dean shouts from upstairs "WHY IS THERE BLOOD AND PUBIC HAIR EVERYWHERE IN THE BATHROOM?!"
