Blurry Vision {Vic Fuentes One Shot}

//Trigger Warning//

This story was a prompt given to me on my fanfiction blog. Y/N = Your name. Hmm...yeah...that's it. I hope you like it. cx

-- -- --

”And lastly, I want to thank you Vic. You’re my everything. I mean this with all of my heart. I’m so sorry, but I have to do this. I can’t put up with this sadness. My heart aches constantly. You were the only one I could go to for anything…but you’re so busy on tour. I’m sorry, it’s so selfish to even think like that. But it’s true. I’m a demanding, fat, ugly mess. I’m so sorry…but thank you for giving me two of the best years of my life. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me, which is more than I could ever do for you. Please don’t cry over me. Anyone. If you’re reading this, I’m watching over you and I miss you, but we’ll meet again someday.” I dropped the pen with my shaky hand, putting two fingers to my forehead as my overwhelming headache pounded on. There’s never a break for me. Always something hurting me, always something making me sad. I’m just a sad person, I suppose. I’m plagued with nightmares of my past that prevent me from having a future.

I guess that’s why I’m ending it. My life. It just has to be this way sometimes. Some people aren’t meant to live on forever. It’s such a horrible, scary world and my time to leave is now. I hope wherever I go is better than the hell I’m living in. I never believed in God, but if he exists, I want him to put me somewhere good, you know? Of course you know. I’m just talking to myself. Is that why all of the doctors think I’m a psycho? Because I’ve been from hospital to hospital and they still haven’t figured out what the fuck is wrong with my brain. I slowly raised from my chair, my bones feeling heavy, my feet feeling as if they’re nailed to the floor. I moved slowly to my closet, getting the black shoebox from the very top of my top shelf. My balance was rocky as I went on my tip-toes. I came down, taking a deep breath and walking to the bathroom attached to my bedroom. I ran the tub water and rid myself of my clothing, looking in the mirror.

"This is it. You’re done. You don’t have to feel anything anymore…you fat cunt." Tears flowed from my eyes, but I didn’t seem to feel any warmth from them. Only the cold ache of my heart as it slowly beat inside of me. "You don’t deserve him, so why should he put up with you?" I swallowed, my dry throat cracking. I cleared it, but it still didn’t help. Oh well. I don’t need to be pretty or healthy.

I’m going to die.

Only a few minutes left. My cell phone buzzed but I shut it off, not wanting to contact anyone. I don’t need to anyway.

I’m going to die.

I stepped into the tub, pulling the shoebox in with me and setting it on my knees. I pulled the lid off and threw it onto the tiled floor, shakily popping open the countless pill bottles I had collected over a year or so. I took the first handful, swallowing them painfully and choking up a bit. Once they were all down, the blade at the bottom of the box greeted me. My eyesight blurred as I ran it over my wrist, digging deep into my skin. As deep as possible…deeper than I’ve ever done it before. Then I scooped the next handful. It was difficult to find the strength to raise the pills to my cracked lips and swallow them down, but I managed. I pushed the box out of the foggy water and sunk as low as I could as the blackness swallowed me like a deep, dark wave in the ocean.

"Baby."
A single word echoed through my head.
Is this it? Is this the afterlife? I tried opening my eyes but they wouldn’t quite do the job. I took a short breath, being cut off by something. A pair of lips? I struggled to open my eyes once again, but my struggles didn’t work.
"Baby."
There it was again. I opened my lips, mouthing the word along with the echo. The blackness was getting brighter. My eyes flittered open and a blur of colors greeted me. The only thing I could think is that the afterlife is weird. Am I being born again? Is that what they’re on about? Am I the baby?
"Please don’t go this way."

My body violently shook as I was lifted out of the water, revealed to anyone in the room. I shivered helplessly, curling up against the warm body that picked me up.
"Y/n, are you…are you alive?" The sweet voice of Victor filled my water-logged ears. I shook my head from left to right, the water leaking out. Just like I used to do when I was on the swim team in third grade. Life was great, I’m ready for the god…whatever one it is…to take me. "Y/n! Wake up…please…" Vic was sobbing. My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw him crying, leaning against the wall and pulling my body close to his own. I blinked the water away, or was it a tear? I looked at him, puzzled.
"What’s happening?" I thought. His sobbing stopped in a moment of shock.
"Honey, are you okay? My god…why did you do this?" He kissed my forehead and took a towel from the drying rack, wrapping it around me and nuzzling into my neck, his wet tears spilling against my pale skin. How did he hear me? I was only thinking. Can he read my mind?
"Victor…" I breathed, moving one of my hands to his and grabbing it. Running my thumb over his calloused fingers. "Victor." I repeated, liking the way the name sounded.

"Y/n…can you hear me?" He hesitantly asked. I nodded, looking around at the room that seemed to be spinning around me. He didn’t reply, but instead lifted me up and carried me to my bed. The next thing I remember was the water being tipped to my dry lips. I swallowed it, taking a huge, deep breath and sinking into my pillows, blacking out once again.

When I woke up, my arm was bandaged up tightly. My hair was brushed…it felt soft, not ragged like I thought it was. My headache stopped. Everything was silent, except for Vic’s slow breathing. I turned my head to him and he jolted awake, wiping a bead of sweat off of his forehead.

"Oh my god." He swallowed head, rubbing his eyes of their sleep quickly and placing a warm hand on my cold hand. "I thought you were gone forever. I really did."
I took a moment to process it and licked my lips, wetting them.
"Why did you save me?"

The room was completely silent. A pin dropping would be the equivalent of a surround sound system blaring a foghorn.

"Y/n, I love you. That’s why…" He kissed my cheek and I closed my eyes. "Y/n?"
"I’m sorry. I’m just so tired…all the time…" I fell back asleep for a moment, then woke up minutes later.

"Why did you do this?"
"I’m finished. I don’t have an ounce of energy anymore. I’m never happy. Did you…did you read the note?" The words came out as a jumble in my head, but he seemed to understand.
"Of course. I can’t believe you felt that way. Baby, why didn’t you tell me? I would leave the band for you. I will."
"No, Vic…please don’t do something like that. That’s stupid. Silly. I’m not worth it."

"You’re worth the world. You’re my everything…" He wiped a tear quietly, continuing. "You are so beautiful to me…and funny, amazing, smart…you’re perfect. Why can’t you see that?"
"The doctors said I’m crazy. I’m a psycho. I should be locked up."
"Sweetie…I-"
"No…save it…Vic, I need to go…please…please let me go…"

"I won’t!" He yelled fiercely, startling me. "I need you, y/n. I need you more than you will ever know. Please stay here with me. I’ll help you. We’ll get through everything together."
"Vic…"
"I’m not taking no for an answer. I don’t care if I have to stop my music career for you. If it comes to that, I won’t give it a second thought. I need you here with me forever."
"I love you…let me sleep…" I dozed off as Vic cried at my side.

It’s been a year since that happened.
Vic and I are curled up on my bed, the same bed I laid in, barely breathing, exactly one year ago. I’m fuller. Yeah, I’m not too happy about gaining weight. But I realized that I can accept my body. I can eat without counting calories now. I can shave without thinking about breaking the razor out and cutting. I can eat with my family without their stares, wondering if I’m sane. I can finally walk out into the sunshine and just…fucking appreciate it. I appreciate my life and that I’m alive. I appreciate the birds singing in the morning, even if they wake me up. I appreciate Vic’s loud snores. I appreciate the dog next door that shits on my lawn every morning. I appreciate the old lady across the street that waves to me every day on my way to work. I appreciate every little thing, as stupid as it sounds.

Life does get better. Just ask me. I haven’t touched a blade in nine months. I haven’t made myself puke in ten. I’ve made my boyfriend - now fiance - proud of me. It’s the greatest feeling in the world.

Just stay here. Stay alive. You’re worth more than you will ever know. I promise.