I lie here alone at night, wishing I was laughing instead of crying...
Wishing it was joy and not pain I felt in my heart.
All the wishes of good conversations come to mind...wishing I could actually have a good conversation.
I wish I was being held, I wish "I promise" and "I will" actually came true. I wish I was listening to the heartbeat through your chest as we shared our dreams, wishes, thoughts, whatever comes to mind.
I lie here wishing that you wanted and desired me the way I do you.
Wishing the small things, like being cuddled up on the couch watching a movie, was just as meaningful and important to you as they are me.
Wishing that I didn't spend 90% of nights in bed alone, wondering if there's something wrong with me.
Why can't I be held? Is affection too much to ask for? Is following through too much to expect?
Here I lie, hoping that I don't fall apart. Hoping that, with all this world is going through, I can create happy memories.
Hoping that I feel loved, wanted, and appreciated before it's too late. Hoping that my kids know how much I love them, and how much they have changed me.
Hoping that eventually, these lonely nights of empty promises and wishes, of tears and pain, will come to an end or at least be few and far between.
Until then, I will cherish the good memories made along the way, keep them in my heart, and smile at all the reasons to be happy.
