She didn't think it would end this way. She thought she would get somewhere in life. She never thought she would end it this soon.
Her whole body shook as she typed the few words as her last goodbye. They didn't know it at the time. They probably never would know what the young girl did. What she was planning.
'sometimes i forget why i held on why i am still here'
Those were the last words she would ever give to them as a group.
Growing up she always wanted to be a singer or an actress. She wanted her name to be known. She wanted to be known for something good.
She stood, shaking, and walked into the kitchen. The curtain covering the back window was opened and she could see the moon. It was a full moon. The last moon she would see. Queasiness struck her suddenly and her hands flew to her stomach. Slowly, she made her way to the refrigerator and opened the door. Pushing her hand past fruits and vegetables, her fingers finally wrapped around the water bottle.
Relief coursed through her as she opened the bottle and drank. After closing the bottle she walked to her room. She set the half drank bottle on the dresser where it will be forevermore. Collapsing on her bed, one tear made its way down her left cheek. She lifted her hand and wiped it away.
This was it. Three attempts and it's finally happening. She was finally going to be free.
On the dresser beside the discarded water bottle, was a bottle of white pills. Pain pills. One hundred and eight of them. She grabbed the bottle and dumped some of the pills in her hand.
She was sorry. She was sorry That it had to end this way. After all the people who tried to help her it still ended like this.
As she lifted the hand with the pills to her mouth she thought about them. She loved them. Those four boys who tried so much to save her. There was the dark haired one who was there no matter what. The curly haired one who saved her life three times. The blond one who she helped many times.
Then there was the last one. The one with colourful hair. He made her smile everyday. But lately he had disappeared, causing her mind to spiral downwards. She didn't blame him for what was going to happen. He wasn't to blame. She was.
Thank you.
Her mouth opened slightly and the pills poured in. After swallowing the first handful, she filled another and swallowed it. She didn't take them all, she left some. Pain was settling in her stomach as she lied against the dark sheets of the bed.
This was her last goodbye.
As her eyes shut for the last time, she thought of the colourful haired boy.
