[HER's]
Isn't it cliche to always dream about finding romantic love? Kasi for me, I've grown up learning that life is always about hurting, about pain. My parents are separated since I was 9. My brother got sick, then died after a few months. Hell hole yata ang buhay ko. Hanggang sa isang araw, I'd stopped believing love in general. The only reason kung bakit I still manage to keep up everyday is my mom at yung dalawang kapatid ko. Naging priority ko na sila. I set aside myself to make them happy. My family's happiness is my happiness, simple.
Not until I met him.
Para sa akin, isa siyang distraction. Noon. Akalin niyo bang mauuto niya ako. Fine! Unconsiously. All the principles I used to believed and followed were shaken. All the walls I tried to built were wrecked. I was broken, positively. Ang galing lang, diba? But then, I realized that wala talagang permanente sa mundo.
Si Andrew, he's not your typical boy next door guy. He's blunt, minsan arrogant, but really smart. And mind you, godlike ang physique niya. I really adore how his lips curve whenever he smiles or frowns. Minsan pag nasa outdoor kami, kumikinang yung green eyes niya. Kapag galit naman siya eh, umiigting yung panga niya. I love how his perfectly shaped eyebrows meet whenever he's confused or something. Basta. Pang modelo. Plus he has good body built. Almost perfect ngunit playboy nga lang. Well, expected na yun sa kanya. But just like me, he has his principles, too. Kaya nga agad kaming nagclick eh. Nalaman-laman ko pang we live in the same building. Destiny? I used to laught at that thought. Well, used to. Everything's bound to an end. Kasi ngayon parang naniniwala na akong destined yata talaga kami. We hang out, laugh and talk, basta gawain ng mga bored na tao. Pero we agreed na platonic lang dapat ang relationship namin. And that really sucks. But ayoko namang isugal kung anong meron kami ngayon. Even though, friendship is all that he can offer. For me, it's already contentment. But I hate mediocre feelings. Dahil dun, para naging isang sanga ang mga prinsipyo ko, unti unti na silang nababali. Nakaka bullshit lang diba?
No. I'am in love with him. And the fact that hindi ko man lang madeny sa sarili ko ang katotohanang ito, makes me feel pathethic. Stupid, even.
Nagsimula yun nung nag bar kami one night. Sa sobrang pagka wasted ko, I wasn't aware of my own actions at ang magiging consequences nito afterwards. He was there, dancing, all smiles. Ang gwapo niya talaga. Too bad he won't commit to anyone. Every night, he came to dance. He was here with the same goals yet different girls. Tumayo ako, completely aware that the alcohol has been in control with my brain. Sinugod ko siya at yung kasayaw niya sa dancefloor. I hated it! I hate it that I get jealous. I hate it that we're just friends. But I hate myself more.
Nagalit siya sakin. Nagalit din ako sa kanya. We screamed at each other, throwing unsaid and unfamiliar words. I shouted at him at my heart's content. Good thing I got a grip of the remaining dignity I had at hindi ko nasabi sa kanyang mahal ko siya. Iniwan ko siya doon, standing. Nagwalk out ako. It's fcking irritating me na hindi niya ako sinundan. Fck! Nagiging unreasonable na ako. After kong makarating sa condo ay umiyak na lang ako. Frustrated because this feeling makes me helpless and vulnerable. I don't know if I'am in love with him or I'am just in love with the feeling.
Weeks after ulit kaming nagkita, or after ulit ko siyang nakita. It's depressing to be alone and lonely. I often visited our rendezvous, hoping he would notice me. But to tell you, he was with some girls kaya I didn't pursue pa na lumapit sa kanya.
Nagulat ako nung may nag doorbell. Kasi I'am not expecting anyone today. As I open the door, bumungad ang pagmumukha ni Andrew. Sinabi ko na bang namiss ko siya? Lalo yata siyang gumwapo. Nakakainis talaga.
"Wassup, Syami?" Bati niya. Oh how I miss that nickname. Tangina talaga?
"Oh, what brough you here?"
