[ChunJoe] We Are Not a Joke [Teen Top] DISCONTINUED

Chapter Six - Truth, Love or Obsession?

*L.Joe's POV*

I felt so pissed off, that I didn't even know what to do with myself. I ended up walking through the streets, repeatedly passing road signs that I'd already seen. Until eventually, I reached that little cafe. I walked inside, and I was greeted instantly by the same friendly face of the owner. I must have spent at least two hours sitting in the booth by the window, drinking chocolate milkshake after chocolate milkshake. The soft flavour drowned my sorrows for a while. Confused didn't even start to describe how I felt. It must've been a misunderstanding. I'm such a fool. Of course he wouldn't really get back with his ex-girlfriend, he must've been in a situation where he had no choice but to say that... But, like a coward, rather than speaking to him about it, I just headed back to my apartment, back to Mae, a poor girl who had been used by me countless times with false confessions of 'love'. A poor girl who would continue to be used by me, because I couldn't hold the one that I wanted to hold. Mae would have to suffice right now. I walked into the apartment, saw her, and instantly I couldn't do anything...

Mae was lying on the couch asleep, and she looked so innocent, like she couldn't possibly do anything wrong even if she tried. How could I keep using this girl without her even knowing she was being betrayed? I'm not a bad person... Not really. I never actually intended to hurt Mae in the first place. That's why it was time to tell her the truth and call things off. It was the fair thing to do. It would hurt Mae, but it would stop her being hurt countless times in the future. The truth, I realized, was that I loved Chan-hee. Nobody else could suffice. If it wasn't him, I didn't want anyone. I could be alone, I didn't need a replacement, and if he wanted to be with someone else, the only thing I could do is support his decision. 

So, slowly, I approached Mae's sleeping figure, crouching down and gently kissing her forehead. How long had we spent together in this apartment? Six months? Strangely, it had felt like years. It would be difficult adjusting to her not being here anymore. Would she be okay? Where would she go? To whom? Things I couldn't help worrying about. I love Chunji, but that doesn't mean I didn't at least have some feelings for Mae. She began to stirr, and eventually her eyes opened. At first, her face was covered with a smile from seeing me leaning over her. But, I guess something in my eyes must've given me away, because it wasn't long before she was sitting bolt up-right in her seat, staring at me with an extremely worried look on her face. "Byung-hun? What's wrong? You look like you're about to cry..." She leaned towards me, reaching out for me to come closer. About to cry? Now that I thought about it, I could feel my breathing becoming uneven, and my eyes did seem to be on the verge of watering. Was it because of Mae or Chan-hee? I couldn't decide. In the end, I didn't move any closer to Mae, but I did take a seat on the edge of the couch. When I turned to face her, I could see tears forming in her eyes. Damn-it, I didn't want to make her cry. 

"Look, Mae..." I started to speak, trying to calm my breathing and speak steadily. She was better off without me, anyway. 'I'm pathetic.' I thought to myself. "You're such a nice girl, and I really don't want to hurt you... But the truth is, I have someone I love... I've loved that person, even before the two of us met... And you deserve better." The words left my mouth, and I was shocked by how awful I felt. They say that telling the truth always makes you feel better, but that's definitely a lie. But, Mae didn't even get mad. When I met her eyes, I could see that they were spilling tears, but her face remained somewhat calm and composed. In fact, she even managed a small smile. 

"I understand... It's Chan-hee, right?" She asked. Her question instantly struck a nerve and my eyes widened in shock. How could she possibly know? Was it obvious? Oh, dear God. Please tell me it wasn't that obvious for everyone to see... "I'm sorry." I whispered. "I had never intended to be unfaithful to you. But... Today, I..." I gulped. But, again, Mae just gave a small smile. "It's okay." She spoke lightly, giving a small nod as though she was reassuring herself rather than me. "Is it really?" I asked her, feeling strangely offended that she didn't seem to be angry. Did she ever even love me?