Diary of a Broken Girl

How it all began.....

It's hard for me to notice this just now.... I mean. It's ben a while now and I'm still here for you despite all the shit you've done to me. All the pain you've caused and those incredible smiles you've gotten out of me, just by saying "hi".

When I first saw you I thought you were perfect. Physically you're irresistible, little did I know you were a devil in disguise..... I saw you there sitting in that brick wall, all elegant and chill. I thought to my self "how can one guy be physically perfect?". I spoke to my friends who sat by you and left after a short while. That very same day I met my best friend. She thought you were beautiful, just like I did.

A month later my friend said that this friend of hers wanted to meet me. I was surprised, and wanted to know who the guy was. A couple of minutes later you texted me. I was quite skeptic about it all, cause I knew who you were. But you didn't remember me at all..... Or i think so.....

We started talking. It was weird and I worried too much cause i knew you were a heartbreaker and a player. But somehow you started to get me. Turns out I couldn't stand you and I still remember. December 1st, we fought and literally left things as bad as they looked. I thought i was gonna get over you and so i convinced myself and believed it. Eleven days after you decided to apologize and make things right. Me being me, i forgave you. We decided to meet up a couple of days later at my friends house. And so we did. I was freaking out completely. Literally i was gonna lose my shit before I saw you.

I looked out the building and saw you down there. Standing peacefully with your phone in one hand. My heart skipped a beat and I felt strange. The. We started talking and i actually had fun and realized you weren't as bad as people said you were. With time going by we both became best friends.....

You started making me so happy, the nicknames, the "I love you's" everything was perfect. We hung out almost every week, we went to parties together, we had drinks together, we laughed and we both told each other everything. I was so happy and proud of calling you my best friend. I couldn't be happier.

Then.... You started acting weird. Things started changing, you weren't the same. The loving things disappeared, you started hurting me and you started to leave me aside. Every little thing led me to endless nights crying in the dark. I almost lost my best friend and i was losing you..... I helped you, i was always there for you even when you hurt me, when you didn't deserve it. I defended you against those who warned me. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me. But then you became my worst nightmare.

Now i sit here in the dark..... 233 days after the first time i met you, crying by myself. It's half past midnight and I can barely breathe. I can barely hold it in, i just can't have you near me..... But I can't have you gone forever. I need you..... Just like plants need water to survive.

I love you.....