How I Met (and married) One Direction {Parody}

Chapter 1: Intro To Kylie

Author's note:

THIS IS A PARODY. It is a complete joke, only making fun of the cliché moments in fanfictions. This is not meant to offend anyone, or hurt people. It is only a silly story that people can get a good laugh out of. So with that being addressed, enjoy the novel!

Kylie's POV:

I stepped in the shower, the soothing water dripping off of my skin like a waterfall. I took my Pantene Pro V D Vitamin Kerotene Special Lather and massaged it through my hair. My hair wasn't anything special. It ended at my bellybutton, and it's dark and caramel strands blended together perfectly. I hated it for some reason, but everybody complimented me on it wherever I went. I rinsed out the shampoo and put in some Pantene Pro V A Vitamin Deluxe Exclusive Strand Repair in Lavender Kiss. I then proceeded to wash my body with VO5 Electric Smooth Skin Essentials Body Wash in Strawberry Champagne Smoothie. After turning off the shower, I wrapped myself in my 48"x48" burgundy limited edition deluxe cotton towel. It wasn't that soft, but I always got complimented on it. I went to my small closet and had some trouble on deciding what to wear. My closet wasn't that big, but I got compliments on it all the time.

I put on an oversized sweater and tribal leggings, with my combat boots and some bangles. I put my hair in a perfect messy bun, only because I was too lazy to do anything to it. I never worked, so I had the day to myself. I collected money off of my nonexistent parents, then headed to the mall. I honestly hated shopping, but I found myself buying way too much stuff every time. I drove to the mall in my black Range Rover, and parked it. I looked at the assortment of purses in the back and knew I had a tough decision to make. I put my Coach Wallet inside of my Dooney and Burke wristlet, then put my wristlet inside of my Prada bag, then put my Prada bag in my Burberry tote. I had no idea why I was so poor, I only had 3000$ on my credit card. I made my way through the mall, looking for the Topshop store. People say it's only a British retailer, but they somehow have it in my mall. I looked through the dozens of racks, pulling random things off and throwing them in my tote.

After leaving Topshop, I sat down at a nearby bench. I inspected my bags, waiting for something interesting to happen. Los Angeles was an interesting place, but it wasn't enough for me. As if on cue, my stomach growled. I sighed. I love food, but it's way too fattening for me. How do you think I keep up with my size 0 body? I looked to my right and saw some girls laughing at me. Upon further inspection, I saw that they were my old nursery school classmates. I haven't seen them since I was 2, but their hurtful comments still left a mark on me. They were my bullies, coming out of their hiding spots every so often and insulting me for no reason. The lead girl Maria slowly made her way over here, followed by Delaney and Trisha.

"Hey snotbag, nice bun!" She snickered. I already felt the tears starting to come.

"Kylie, can you keep a crayon in your hand?" Delaney said.

"Go die already, no one likes you!" Trisha said. Just then, I lost it.

"Stop it!" I screamed as the bags hit the floor. Just then, a mop of brown curls swooped past me and I knew I was saved.

~S