My hearts become too cold to break .::ELY::.

When the Realization Hits

As Keith so very kindly reminded us. We still have to go on the dumb date for his video, and we can't back out of it, because he's already teased the fans with it. So here I am standing in my bedroom putting this off as long as I can, completely dressed and actually ready to leave, I just don't want to go out on a date with Eugene. I'm sure the date will be fine, but I'm sure the comment about me not considering him as a best friend might have stung a little more than I thought seeing as how the only thing he's said to me since then was
'I'll pick you up at eight to shoot for Keith's video, be ready'
It's now 7:45 pm. and I'm waiting curious to see where he takes me, but also not wanting to go anywhere. 
I get a text from Eugene telling me he's running late and he'll be there as soon as he can. So it's not even an official date and he's flaking on me. I roll my eyes and sit down on the piano bench in my room, of all the instruments my parents forced me to learn the piano is my favorite. I play the last song I taught myself to play which happened to be Say  something by  A Great Big World. Singing though is not my strong suit, so I just play to pass the time occasionally humming whichever part I happen to be playing. I don't know how many times I play the song still working on perfecting my hand placement. I stop when I hear a knock on my bedroom door. Who's in my house? I get up and open the door, Eugene stares at me.
"I guess I can't  just text you and tell you I'm coming inside anymore huh?" He says,"you know since we're not best friends"
I roll my eyes," it's okay, where are we going?"
"It's a surprise," he say,"now let's get this over with"
I nod and follow him out the door.

Eugene takes us to the beach.
"Lighting is gonna be tricky, but I do remember vaguely you telling Zach and I how much you missed going star gazing back in Missouri where you could see nothing but stars for miles in every direction, this is as close as I could get to that wide open view," Eugene says before we even get out of the car.
I smile, why would he remember such a small detail about me?
"We can use the flashlight on my phone," I say he nods,"it might not be bright enough though,"
"We'll manage" he says and uses his phone to record us walking down to the sand, after getting a blanket for us to lie on. Turns out he also packed a picnic for us also, someone will be so lucky one day. We eat and actually laugh, it's almost like this morning never happened; Eugene is the first to lie down and look up at the stars but I can't seem to look away from him, and since it's my turn to film the camera is focused on him.
"Are you going to stare at me all night or are you going to look at the stars?" He asks laughing and I lie down next to him. Then it happens, I catch myself thinking it wouldn't be so bad to date Eugene. I look back at him and from his angle he's never looked so perfect. Stop it Beau, you're just caught up in the fact that someone remembered you like cheesecake and going star gazing, in the morning the two of us will go back to barely hanging out, probably even less because you told him he wasn't one of your best friends.
"Hey Beau?"Eugene asks snapping me from my thoughts.
"Yeah," I say looking away from him now that he's looking at me.
"Are you recording still?" He asks.
"No why?" I ask and I'm not I stopped.
"Because I need to ask you something, and I know Keith will leave it in the video of its there," he says I nod,"I honestly want to know why you are acting the way you are, you used to be so happy,"
"The best way to keep your feeling from getting hurt is to pretend you don't have any."I say.
"That's what I thought too, but it still hurts, and it's ten times more destructive, feeling like you can't show emotions," he says sitting up,"I don't want you to think that you have to be ice cold Beau, around me, how am I any different from Zach?  How can you allow yourself to be yourself with just Zach? What if Zach isn't there then what?"
"What are you getting at?" I ask sitting up as well.
"You can't keep these walls up all the time, and I'm speaking from experience, Friday night was the first time I've ever seen you be anything but happy or angry," he says,"and it killed me, and I can't explain why yet, because I don't even know myself,"
I just stare at him,"why did you do this? Why would you take me here? Why did you remember that I love cheesecake and star gazing? Why now?"
He just stares at me,"do you want to go do something else? Oh this is it- I struck something"
"Yes I want to do something else Eugene take me home," I say he just nods and we leave. I feel a complete breakdown slowly making its way to the surface. Slowly we pack everything back up into Eugene's car and make our way back to my house.
Unlike I thought he would Eugene just sits with me in the car everything that's been building up for days, weeks, months pushes or way to the surface and makes itself present in the form of tears rolling down my cheeks and poorly muffled sobs.
I notice Eugene get out of the car, I'm not surprised he doesn't seem like the time to be able to handle things like this.
My door opens and Eugene takes my seatbelt off and pulls me into his lap rubbing my back while he sits in my drive way, letting me cry all over him. Well this was a great date huh? I don't even know why I'm crying right now. Maybe I finally realized how badly Richard actually treated me, he never would've done what Eugene did, even during the good days, and certainly wouldn't sit in a dirty drive way trying to comfort me while I cry. But I was so blinded by a false sense of love that I actually thought I was happy, but tonight in the short three hours Eugene and I were at the beach I was actually happy, every laugh and smile was real, never forced.

Eventually the tears stop and I start to get up but Eugene doesn't let go.
"Get Freakshow and you can stay the night at my place," he says," strictly platonic,"
I just nod and he lets me go we stand and dusts himself off before following me inside to get Freakshow and a change of clothes before we go to his apartment. Once we get there Eugene changes clothes and gives directs me to his room for me to change as well.
"You look exhausted, you wanna just go to sleep?" He asks and I nod,"well I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch, You can  sleep in my bed," I just stare at him,"have you never experienced southern  hospitality  before?"
I shake my head and He laughs and leads the way back to his room,"the couch is an awful place to sleep, and your guest is supposed to be comfortable, it's fine I promise"
"Okay," I say and lie down Eugene gets himself a blanket and a pillow and goes back to the living room, and I attempt to sleep but I just toss and turn. So I sit up and look around, before getting up and walking o the living room or I start to I walk right into Eugene.
"Shit I'm sorry!" I say
"You're fine I was just going to check on you," he says,"you know make sure you're okay,"
"I'm not I can't sleep," I say
"Why not?" He asks.
"Well when you spend two and a half years sleeping next to someone it's hard to sleep on your own again," I say.
"Oh yeah it's only been a few days huh? I'm sorry the guys have no sense of time," he says and it's quiet between us for awhile,"I could lie down with you until you fall asleep at least"
I look up at him, he looks away from me,"please?"
He nods and leads the way back to his room, and climbs into his bed and I follow. At first it's really awkward, then he wraps his arm around my waist and the awkwardness completely disappears and it's completely natural I roll over and rest my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, and for the first time in almost a week I fall asleep without being blackout drunk; and it's so nice.