It all started when I was 6 years old. I met a boy while I was playing outside on my farm in California. He was an average kind of boy that you chased and beat up for teasing you. After that first meeting where I beat him up, we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. After that, we would meet at the fence all the time and were always seen together there.
I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet and would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school.
One day I told him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He comforted me and told me everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured that I loved him as a good friend.
All through high school till graduation, we're always together and I thought it was normal as we were good friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night, even though we had different dates for the prom, I really wanted to be with him. After everybody went home that night, I went to his house and told him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about our future plans instead. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about his dreams. He wanted to get married and settle down. He also said he wanted to be rich and successful. I told him about my dreams and cuddle next to him.
I went home hurt because I didn't tell him how I felt about him. I wanted to tell him that I love him so badly but I was too scared and frightened to do so. I decided to let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him how I felt. All through college, I wanted to tell him about my feelings but he always had someone with him.
After graduation, he got a job in New York. I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was also sad because I didn't tell him how I felt. Nevertheless, I couldn't let him know then as he was leaving for his big job. Hence, I just kept it to myself and watched him board the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I felt for him inside my heart.
I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way up to be a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day, I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him. I was happy and sad at the same time. I knew that I could never be with him ever again and we could only be friends from now on. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. There was a big church wedding and grand reception at a hotel. I met the bride and him. I fell in love when him again on that day. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy with another person. I tried to appear to be happy to cover up the sadness and tears inside me.
