Friends With The Monster

Help

I knew something wasn't right with me. So much built up anger wanting to be released all the time. I would never let anyone into my life, for I fear the risk of someone leaving me, before they leave me, I leave them. The trust I give people is low now. I never know who my real 'friends' are until they leave me. I push people away, I'm complicated and that's not fair for my 'friends', who have to deal with me. Every time I lose a 'friend', I rant at someone and say the wrong things, next thing you know they're gone as well. Will I ever learn to play fair? Long nights staying up, looking at the stars and thinking about the things I lost and gained. Nighttime time is my free time to think and breathe, I feel free at night. I hide away during the day and stay clear from people. I can't even talk to my family without thinking they'll leave as well. I've asked myself why I do what I do and I can't even give myself an answer. I'm searching for the answers to save me and fix me, but when will that happen? I don't know.