Love Hating You

This story is dedicated TO blue_wave, SHE'S AMAZING, UNDERSTANDING , COOL, AND ALWAYS READY TO HEAR MY RAMBLE!

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I recall those days when life used to be easier. When I was a toddler thing were so much better, weren’t they? You learn new things everyday. There are people who care about you, who will protect you no matter what. Well, all that changes when you grow up. You have exam problems, break-ups and fights with your bosom friend, confusing career options, marriage and children. When you go through this transition you always have family, especially, your mother with you.

 As I lay on my bed restless recalling what my relative whispered to my dad “I saw her with her husband and child,” I clearly remember him tensing up. What is she trying to achieve? To soothe my stormy soul I thought I should write her a letter to express my aggravation and the pain that I have been going through all these years. Perhaps a note reminding her of her heinous acts, a token of my affliction.

To biological mom *there is a strike here* atrocious woman,

It’s funny how I decide to write down my feelings for you. All these years I thought I’m the reason you left my dad. Who would have guessed that you were nothing more than just a selfish, irresponsible brat who could renounce her own flesh and blood? I may sound rude, who am I kidding? I’m rude! You disowned me a few MINUTES AFTER I WAS BORN!

 I’m the living and breathing proof that your selfishness knows no bounds. Because of you I don’t believe in love or marriage. You almost destroyed my future. As they say if one door is shut, there is a tiny open window. That saying is true. You may have disowned me but my aunt took me in. She ‘adopted me’ and raised me as her own daughter and I should add this: SHE is my mother. You should learn something from her!

Who would have thought my own mother would abandon me… merely for her own convenience! God, thinking about you makes me want to heave.

This is a poem I wrote many years ago,

Oh mama, I wait for you to return,

I want you to hug me and tell me I’m your little girl,

I know you will always keep me safe and sound,

I need you…..,

But I couldn’t complete it because I don’t know what I should expect from you back then and now.

You left us and started your own life and I’M HAPPY that you made that decision because I wouldn't want to grow up in family where you always pray that I should DIE.

Had you decided to stay, most probably you would have opted for an abortion or you would constantly transmit to me your profound disappointment since I would never be able to comply with your standards by being the beloved son that you would cherish so much!

Few friends of mine know what a despicable person you are! They show ‘sympathy’. I don’t know if it’s towards me or towards you but I hope it’s the latter one.

I don’t remember you that well. All I know is that you were never there for me. When my teachers or my acquaintances say ‘your mother must be beautiful’ I always think about my real mum, NOT YOU, and reply ‘yes, indeed’ with a huge grin plastered across my face.

There were times when I used to cut myself. The razor had become my devoted companion. I even attempted to commit suicide because I thought that if the person who gave birth to me can’t stand my sight, then how can my friends or any other person like me? You were the reason that I even questioned my sanity; I even considered seeing a psychiatrist.

I always troubled myself with unanswered questions ‘what if she was here?’

I wish I had the memory of a goldfish, so that I could discard your memories, erase your existence!

You scarred me for life. Did you even contemplate for a second how would your decision affect my life? How can you sleep at night with a clear conscience? Because of you dad was traumatized. I know my younger brother hardly thinks about you. You accepted him with open arms but you didn’t do the same for me. Why? Now that I found out that you married again and have a son, I must say you found your one true love again after destroying us. Are you happy? How is your new husband treating you? Say hi to my stepbrother for me, I hope he hates you when he finds out about us. I know you have hidden this from him.

Oh, I almost forgot your ‘daughter’ lives a life that you never even imagined. I’m a successful girl. I found myself a “real mum” who shaped me into what I am today. I don’t think you ever wanted that for me. I almost forgot to mention you were just a VESSEL for me to come into this world and meet my ‘real mum’. I used your womb for 9 months. I hope I can repay that debt someday. Until then, enjoy your miserable life.    

                                                                                             Yours *there's strike here*,  not your daughter.

P.S- I hope karma bites you in the #@*!

I folded the piece of paper and shoved it inside my drawer. I will give this to her when I meet her face to face because I want to see her reaction when she reads it. If someone is cruel to you, you act crueler.

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it's my assisgnment Tell me what you think!? please comment. It means A LOT TO ME! :)